Stop saying these 5 phrases— you’re gaslighting yourself without realising it

You know the term; you hear it often. A word that was coined after a 1940s film where a man manipulates his wife into doubting flickering lights—gaslighting is now an accepted term of someone manipulating us into questioning our reality. It’s subtle; fine and insidious. It’s a quiet bullying that corrodes you over time.

Others can do it to us. Sometimes, we do it to ourselves. It doesn’t barge in: It just enters into our daily lexicon as rationalisation, denial and emotional editing. You laugh it off, sometimes. It sounds like you, trying to protect yourself from discomfort. But over time, it chips away at your confidence, clarity, and even your sense of identity.

Here are 5 everyday phrases that might mean you’re gaslighting yourself, so here’s what to say instead, to start reclaiming your truth, with a little help from psychologists.

You’re not. Emotions don’t make you weak. They make you aware.

This phrase is the inner critic’s favourite tool. It teaches you to dismiss your feelings before anyone else can, preempting rejection by rejecting yourself first.

Try instead: 'My reaction might be strong, but it’s telling me something. What’s underneath it?'

Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was enough to shake you. That’s valid.

Minimising your experiences, especially after being hurt, is a classic sign of self-gaslighting. It can come from being conditioned to tolerate discomfort or to downplay your pain.

Try instead: ‘It did impact me—and that’s enough. I don’t need it to be a disaster for it to matter.’

Thinking deeply isn’t a flaw. What if it’s actually intuition knocking?

This phrase often shows up when you're trying to dismiss a gut feeling, whether it’s about a relationship, a boundary being crossed, or something just feeling off. It’s often said with a nervous laugh, but the truth is that you might not be overthinking—you’re processing.

Try instead: There’s a reason this keeps coming up in my mind. Why? 

Gratitude and discomfort can coexist. You can appreciate what you have and still acknowledge what’s not okay.

This line is a way of silencing valid frustration or sadness, especially when others seem worse off. But comparison doesn’t erase pain. It just delays healing.

Try instead: I’m grateful, but I’m still struggling.

Self-responsibility is powerful. But self-blame, is a long, dark alley. 

When this phrase becomes your default response to conflict, rejection, or emotional pain, it’s not reflection—it’s protection. You would rather blame yourself than accept that someone else treated you poorly. It gives you control, but at a cost.

Try instead: I played a role, but I’m not solely responsible. Let me see this more clearly.