Thrashing the male stereotype

The metrosexual man is just as comfortable washing dishes and changing nappies as washing cars and changing oil filters

Thirteen-year-old Alexander Baker-Brown is a happy and well rounded teenager. He loves sports and playing the guitar, is fanatical about Arsenal FC and wants to be a pilot.

He attributes his passion for aeroplanes and his interest in cooking and musical instruments to his primary caregiver, and uses the words funny, caring, easy to talk to and affectionate to describe this person.

You may be tempted to guess that he is attributing these characteristics to his mother. He is, however, talking about his father.

Welcome to the new generation of fatherhood, where the boundaries between the traditional roles of the mother and father have become blurred, and men are just as likely to be changing nappies and pushing the pram as women.

Staying aloof
According to Dr Annie Crookes, senior lecturer and programme co-ordinator for Psychology at Middlesex University in Dubai, traditionally, the father had very little part in childrearing beyond providing financially.

Until the middle of the 20th century, the father was almost meant to be detached to illustrate masculinity, as opposed to the feminine, care-giving mother.

Particularly for sons, this was thought to be the best thing. However, it is now known that both sons and daughters learn about emotional attachment and relationships from both parents, and it is important for both parents to be active in the child's life.

A new role
Crookes says: "In general, there has been a huge increase in the father's input into child-raising. This has been in terms of traditional bread-winner fathers taking an increased interest in the activities and development of the child, and in the rise of the 'stay at home' father who takes the role of primary caregiver in the modern family."

This is true in the case of young Baker-Brown.

His primary care-giver up to the age of four was his mother, Melanie Baker-Brown. However, the family then encountered financial difficulties, and as Melanie had more earning power than her husband, Melanie returned to work, while Leonard was left at home to tend to Alexander.

Leonard explains how even though the shift was circumstantial, he came to enjoy his role of stay-at-home father. "Even nine years ago, when I first became a stay-at-home dad it was looked down upon by society.

"This didn't bother me. In fact I've always loved children and enjoy every minute raising my own. No one really understood why I was choosing to stay home, and it took years for it to be less taboo.

"Today, more and more fathers are taking on the role of primary care-giver, so it's becoming more accepted. I know for a fact that during my father's time there is no way it would have happened," he says.

In addition to the increasing number of 'stay-at-home dads', there has also been an increase in the amount of time fathers spend with their children.

Parents are more likely to share responsibility for the upbringing of the children, whereas in the past this was seen as the mother's role.

According to sociologist Megan Knight, this is due to the insistence by women that men share the housework.

"There is an expectation that women should contribute financially to the family as a whole. This is not a new phenomenon; there have always been women who work outside the home to earn money.

"What has changed is that this is now more common among wealthier people than previously, and that these wealthier and more educated women are more likely to demand that their husbands do their share of raising children."

Sharing responsibility
This is especially true in the case of Chris and Louise Psaras. Chris owns his own business and Louise is a teacher. The couple share responsibility of their one-year-old son Zachary. Chris enjoys having hands-on involvement in bringing up Zachary.

"Having children is life changing and it's important to build a strong bond from an early age. In the past the father was usually the bread winner and spent less time interacting with his child/children," he says.

Chris reads books, plays, and watches children's programmes with Zachary on a daily basis. He also feeds, changes and bathes him. He believes that his father would probably have liked to be more involved with his own upbringing. However, circumstances at the time did not allow it.

More interaction
"My relationship with Zachary is more interactive than the relationship my father had with me at that age. This is because my father worked unsociable hours due to the nature of his business. Plus, it was rare in those days to find a father who did have a lot of hands-on involvement with their children's upbringing," he says.

According to Crookes, the increase in paternal involvement in a child's upbringing can also be attributed to the rise in awareness of the benefits of seeing both parents active in a child's upbringing.

The father and mother need to have an active role in a child's life in order to have an optimum environment for good physical and mental development.

"There has been a huge increase in the interest and understanding of child development - particularly social and emotional development, and in the role of the father.

"We understand that the optimum development in all aspects comes from a rich environment with multiple play situations and activities.

"Therefore, the differing activities experienced while interacting with the father and mother are important to enhance the overall environment of the child. I stress that this means fathers who may live away from their children can still therefore provide this role through contact and visits - showing that the child is still cared for in the father's physical absence is absolutely fine," says Crookes.

Communication is key
More and more fathers today place great emphasis on building and maintaining a close and healthy relationship with their children; communication is of paramount importance.

Malcom Bailey was away from home for long periods of time while his children were growing up, due to the nature of his work.

He, however, has maintained an excellent relationship with his three children, whose ages range from 15 to 23, and they still all continue to socialise and spend as much quality time together as possible.

They watch movies together, play bowls and spend hours talking in the 1950s themed soda bar that he has converted their garage into.

Bailey believes that he has a close relationship with all of his children, and has always ensured that they feel comfortable to approach him with any problems they may have.

Giving ear
"I would say we have a very good father-daughter, and father-son relationship. I do try to listen to all their problems and I have in the past had very personal conversations with my daughters. I have always told them to never be afraid or ashamed to ask me anything.

"I have enforced this from a young age. I didn't want them to be unable to talk to their mother or me and wanted to be a part of every stage of their lives. I think it worked because now we talk about everything! I'm like an agony aunt," says Bailey.