Suresh Menon: Hail the real cricket heroes

A few misguided fans continue to believe that India won the Cricket World Cup because they were the best team in the tournament, had some world-class players who performed brilliantly when it mattered and were led by a captain who had everything under control.

This is unfair on the people who contributed the most, especially in the final match. Here are the real heroes of the World Cup.

The fan who watched the match from start to finish without once getting up from his chair: "This is the least I could do for my team," he said proudly. It meant he didn't miss a single minute of the action - more importantly, it meant he didn't miss a single commercial. And since the Indian skipper was seen most often in both, this fan is a bit uncertain about whether India actually won or what he saw was a commercial. Strong kidneys can lead to weak minds sometimes.

The fan who promised to turn vegetarian if India won: Each of this group of some two-million-thirty-thousand-and-sixty-three people who vowed to give up meat feels India won because of this selfless action.

The model who promised she would do what Diego Maradona promised in the football World Cup: This vow, however, lacked wow since it came with many conditions. First the cricket board had to give her permission to step out of her clothes (why, no one knows), then there was confusion over whether she said she would do it in the stadium or in her apartment behind closed doors, and finally no one knows if she actually went through with it because everyone was focused on the trophy after the match.

Fans who vowed they would shave off their moustache, hair, break their glasses, knock out their front teeth, refuse to watch movies for a year, give up coffee, using hand wipes or cough syrups for a month, re-read the complete works of Shakespeare, get a tattoo or stop attending Iron Maiden concerts, speak in a foreign language they don't know or use the word ‘cricket' at the end of every sentence. No comment cricket.

Fans who refused to watch the telecast of the match in case it brought bad luck to the team, and those who bought tickets but refused to go to the match for the same reason.

Those who hate cricket and wouldn't recognise a bat or a ball if they saw one: "We helped the country maintain the balance required to win," said a spokesman when he realised India were world champions.