Saying yes to aunthood

When her cousin Anetta's son Kaden was born, Cecille Quibo still remembers how ecstatic she felt when she first held him in her arms. As he yawned and moved in her arms, she got emotional. The Dubai-based 39-year-old Filipina says, "I had not become an aunt for the first time in my life but this was a different bond I felt for the child."

Meral Hassan, 26, Iraqi-Kiwi, another Dubai-based aunt, echoes similar thoughts. "I have two nieces, Sara Tukmachi, 4, and Tala, 6 months old," she says. "I was never really fond of children until my sister gave birth to Sara. I do have a soft corner for children of cousins and friends. But I feel so deeply in love with her."

Hassan and Quibo are single working women with no time to think of marriage or kids. To define an aunt of their kind would mean a hybrid woman of sorts. They do not have their own children (out of choice or for personal reasons) but have nieces and nephews in their lives with whom they spend a lot of time.

Fondness for children

According to Francesca Rodgers, Therapeutic Counsellor at RAK Hospital, aunts and uncles are the next best bet to grandparents and fill in for their parents when they are absent.

"We are all humans at the end of the day and have the same emotions," she says. "It is natural to feel attracted to children, especially if they are an offspring of a person you are fond of."

So Quibo, for instance, fills in for Kaden's mother Chavez who is a flight attendant. "Between meetings and deadlines, I bathe him, feed him, dress him up, take him out and put him to sleep. My cousin is only grateful that she gets a break from motherhood."

"It is absolutely normal for a woman to choose not to have a kid," Rodgers says. "In the West, many of them do not think of marriage till the age of 40-45."

For Hassan, aunthood may be free of full-time legal commitments, but there are tough moments. "At times I was dead sleepy, but the kids came to play," she says. "I now know what my sister goes through. With me around, she gets a break."

Single uncle

Sandeep Sharma, 40, Indian, blames it on his chromosomes that it is the aunties who take the credit. "I am a very proud uncle who is obsessed with my sister's son Aryan, 7," he says.

"I have been single and don't intend to get married. But that does not mean I do not know how to bring up a child. My younger brother was born when I was 13. So I have first-hand experience of parenting," he adds.

First memory

"My first memory of Aryan was of holding him when he was less than a week old and it felt quite miraculous," he says.

Though his sister's family lives quite far from him in Dubai, he and his nephew get together at least three times a week. "I get to babysit him often" he says. "We talk a lot to each other."

When people ask him if he feels a vacuum in his life without a wife and kids, Sharma says he is not a person who can provide a family infrastructure.

"My fondness for my nephew certainly does not impact other decisions and I am usually quite busy with work," he says.

Rodgers asserts that it is "fun" that bonds the aunt — or uncle — with a nephew or niece. Simple activities such as building blocks or reading a book are some of the magical things about the relationship that these adults enjoy. And, as Quibo says: "It is about giving quality time to the child that stirs this magic."

- Ritu Raizada is a UAE-based freelance writer