One day at a time

Donna Burfield works as a relief teacher in Seashells nursery in Dubai. She believes that small acts of togetherness are better than trying to make big efforts. "'We don't get to spend much quality time with our children' seems to be the common lament of parents these days," she says. "You can solve that by setting aside ten minutes every day.

Put together a puzzle or play a game together. Sing a song with younger children or give them a bath. These simple moments will reward you with the intimacy you crave."

Burfield is the youngest of six children. Coming from an army background, their family was always on the move. She started out as a nanny at the age of 17. For seven
years she worked for families from various backgrounds, cultures and nationalities. Her experiences in
the field were vast and varied and ranged from working for a criminal barrister in Australia to a film director in Ireland.

Burfield describes the role of a nanny in a child's life as that of a best friend and guide, who has to be constantly stimulating the child to discover his or her true personality.

A nanny could help out with simple things like picking out the clothes to wear for the day, to more complex issues like homework.

After that she did a bit of independent travelling. She has travelled extensively and holds an international teaching diploma from Dublin Montessori College. Her UAE adventure began 13 years ago, when the London Montessori Agency assigned her to a post in Ras Al Khaimah. She specifically asked for a job that would involve interacting with the citizens of the country.

She taught basic Montessori techniques to a group of 44 Emirati children. There was also another group of around 250 expatriate children. The UAE also helped her find
love. She met Graham Burfield, who was an air traffic controller in Ras Al Khaimah at the time and they got married.

Drawn to teaching

"Children are the purest form of innocence and how they are treated physically, emotionally, spiritually and verbally will have a profound effect on them later on," says Burfield. "What draws me to working with children is both selfless and selfish. "Children are refreshingly honest, trusting, enthusiastic and exciting.

They are extremely inquisitive and have a hunger to know 'Why'? They also love unconditionally and are eager to please. Their little faces light up when praised and yet their whole physical and mental being crumbles when met with anger, sarcasm or verbal abuse.

When I am with children I can be silly. I don't have to worry about being judged on how much money I make. It doesn't matter if my clothes don't have a designer label or which car I drive or how many degrees I hold. All they ask for is to feel valued and respected. And I can give them that.

"When I had my three children I realised the true meaning of 'falling in love,'" says Burfield.

Leading by example
Burfield also dabbles in writing – particularly about parenting issues. Her daughter Lauren is nine and the twins, Mathew and Sam are five.

Burfield and her husband Graham always try to lead by example when dealing with their children. "We don't use bad or abusive language; we don't smoke or drink. When the children get into a brawl, we call them aside and ask them to consider how the other person is feeling. Then they are asked to look each other in the eye and make up with their sibling.

"I am not saying dealing with kids is easy. I have had my own share of moments where I want to tear my hair out. At times like these I tell them I am not feeling too happy and ask them to leave me alone. I even apologise to my kids if I feel I have done them wrong. So they are able to grasp the basic concepts of manners rather than being admonished about it."

Signing with Makaton

Makaton is a unique sign language devised by speech and language therapist Margaret Walker and has been adapted for use in over 40 countries. It is used mainly for adults and children with learning and communication difficulties.

Makaton signs and symbols provide not only a visual representation of the language but increase understanding and make expressive communication easier.
"I have a passion for the ways of the Makaton," says Burfield. "Lauren was born in Dubai and back then there weren't any baby signing groups here. From observing her and seeing how quickly she picked up simple, everyday signs such as hello, goodbye, kiss, stop and so on, I started to make up my own signs for objects, animals and emotions.

"I had the twins in the UK and was planning to do sign with them, but then I came across an article called Sing and Sign. I did some research and got really excited about the benefits and advantages it has on speech.

"By learning to sign, children become less frustrated and are able to interact with other people and their environment at a much earlier age. Sing and Sign uses the British Makaton. I started signing when the children were about six months old and, about four months later, they signed back.

The boys were able to inform me when they wanted milk, water or a nappy change, among other things. When we came back to Dubai. I heard about a Makaton workshop and signed up straight away. Lauren gained a lot from the workshop as well as she felt included and was able to express herself and bond with her two brothers in a far more intense way.

I never had to go through the terrible 2s and I attribute that largely to signing.
"Many people think signing decreases verbal skills. On the contrary, it increases vocabulary as you can use the same sign to depict words having similar meaning. For instance, words such as happy, pleased, joyful and delighted can be shown with the same sign. So the child understands that all the words are similar but not exactly same. One important thing while signing is to make eye contact so that the child can assess your facial expression.

Also keep talking while signing. As soon as the child has grasped to say a word, drop the sign and start using the word only. "Once my daughter saw a deaf couple in a restaurant who were signing to each other. She got so excited she signed to them and immediately started a conversation
of sorts. I was very happy that day as her acquired gift had helped to break the barriers of physical challenges.
"I have conducted two Makaton workshops in the Rashid Pediatric Hospital.

The workshops were aimed at children with learning
and hearing disabilities. "I wouldn't call myself a high authority in parenting. I am only human and I have made more than my share of mistakes and follies. But I wish all parents could learn to enjoy the experience of nurturing and loving their children.

"Learn to disassociate your stress from the interaction with your children and never take out your day's anguish on them. Laugh and play together. Bring out the child in you.

"If you wish to instil a quality or trait in them, try a bit of role playing rather than enforcing it as a rule. If you make mistakes, admit them.

If they do something or run an errand for you, do not forget to thank them. Treat them as individuals with unique personalities rather than just children."

What next? One thing Burfield would love to do is to be a child coordinator in the play area of recreation clubs. She has often approached major clubs who offer facilities for adults, but the kids play area is extremely dull and boring. She would like to rejuvenate it by indulging in more child-friendly activities and a lot more stimulating games.

"I have finished writing a book titled From Father to Daddy. It started out as a poem I had written for my husband for Father's Day.

"I have also roughly written a couple of books aimed at toddlers.''

So what is her dream?
"I do not have high ambitions in life. I want my children to look forward to coming home after they have all left the nest – to sit around the table and enjoy family dinners and to enjoy one another's company. That would be the biggest blessing of all."

– Zenifer Khaleel is an Abu Dhabi-based freelancer