Hannah Seligson says she is not prone to crying. But one day, just four months into her first job, she was called into the big boss's office and told that her immediate supervisor was not happy with her work.
Seligson, now 24, lost it.
She was running on four hours of sleep and immersed in creating an elaborate PowerPoint presentation. So, instead of a flicker of a choke-up that might have gone unnoticed, she flipped into full water-sprinkler mode. It came to a point where "I was dry-heaving. I couldn't control myself," she says. "I was just floored. I had been working so hard."
Five months later she had another bad day — she got fired. But this time she shed no tears: "I was just angry I hadn't quit first."
Going beyond taboo
Yes, emotional outbursts at work are generally considered taboo.
Yet, some workplace experts report a rise in such emotional displays. Anita Madison, vice-president of training and consulting at Chicago-based ComPsych, an employee assistance programme, says she has seen a spike this year in the number of managers calling for help in dealing with displays of all kinds of emotions, not just crying, but shouting, too.
Heavy workloads and various stressors can "break down emotional walls", she says.
Other factors may be at play. Viewers of reality-television shows are seeing play-by-play dramas unfold with the expressions of "every single thought and every single emotion", says Janice Grackin, assistant psychology professor at Stony Brook University.
And that may be a green light to impressionable workplace newbies that it is OK to behave the same way.
Although it is hard to tell if the shows are reflecting reality or bringing it about, Grackin does say that in recent decades, each generation seems to be more comfortable expressing emotions than the one preceding it.
Why, indeed, do people find workplace tears so troublesome?
Tearing through feelings
For starters, tears can make you come across as weak, needy or manipulative. And outbursts can lead to office dramas that divert co-workers' focus away from the job at hand.
While crying is certainly not a preferred coping mechanism in the workplace, it does not appear to carry the same taboo for young adults that it did for their parents' generation, unless, of course, the tears are used for manipulation or to get attention.
Seligson says she has learnt that developing workplace-coping skills is a ‘rite of passage'. She has been told that when it comes to crying, "that's what the last stall in the bathroom is for".
From the trenches
In the aftermath of that first job with a consulting company, she decided to interview young women, mostly in their twenties, as well as established professionals, for a soon-to-be-released book New Girl on the Job: Advice From the Trenches ($19.95 or Dh73).
The women she interviewed told her that emotional moments, such as crying in response to that first negative feedback, are seldom career deal-breakers. One magazine editor even told her that "I think too much is made of crying" — and what really counts is what you say about the issue at hand and how you behave later.
Under powerful circumstances, the display of strong emotion — by men or women — can be seen as acceptable, says Stephanie Shields, professor of psychology and women's studies at Penn State University. That is especially true since the world saw images of grief-stricken first responders on 9/11.
But in the everyday work world, people should do their best to keep from crying — at least when it comes to issues related to the job, says Bernadette Kenny, chief career officer at Adecco in Melville.
Certainly emotional responses to a disaster or family tragedy are understandable, but people should "not use tears to push their point, create a sense of entitlement, intimidate others or because they want something", she says.
"You have a right to your anger — to your feelings," she says. "But the company has a right to expect you to behave professionally."
