Audi's roofless streak

If we were all sensible and bought cars using nothing but our heads, we would almost certainly be driving a cheap Japanese family saloon. They are solid, dependable, spacious and, as an added bonus, they can cure insomnia. One look and I'm out before my head touches the pillow. They get you from A to B just fine, but there is nothing remotely interesting or exciting about them. Unless you find one dangling off the edge of a cliff.

On the other hand, if we bought cars using nothing but our hearts, we would probably see more exotic bright red shapes with roaring V8s under long curvy bonnets, but would we be much happier? They would probably only do 0 to 100kph once before the engine exploded, so, practicality goes out the window.

Audi has attempted to solve all of life's little nuisances with the new for 2010 A5 cabriolet. But first, a question: do you ever smile while driving? Didn't think so. Unless you are a handsomely paid handsome actor in the latest commercial for Bentley coasting along the French Riviera. But when you and I are on the roads in deepest darkest Sharjah, our expressions are zombie-like.

Get behind the wheel of the Audi though, and you can't help but feel good about yourself.

And that feeling is contagious. You pass people on the streets and they see you and smile. Children peering at you through the back window of soccer-mom's car start jumping up and down with joy. Best of all is the look of shock from the driver behind as you literally raise the roof... while driving the car. It's a neat little trick which I was still playing even after the 148th time. In just 17 seconds the A5 transforms from looking good to looking droptop-gorgeous. It turns heads like only a few cars can. People are genuinely thrilled as it catwalks past.

Measuring 4,627mm in length, 1,849mm in width and standing 1,379mm tall with the top in place, the sleek A5 is a truly elegant piece of work. I found myself walking around it two or three times to admire its shape and smooth curves on the fenders, the huge chrome grille and pretty LED eyes.

Its beauty is not just skin deep — it's gorgeous on the inside too. The luxury and comfort of the soft red Alcantara seats have stitching Versace would be proud of.

Driver comfort seems to be top of the A5's priorities. The seats hug you like your favourite fat auntie did when you were a kid. There's a 505-watt Bang & Olufsen audio system with ten speakers hidden in every conceivable nook and cranny. Bob Dylan never sounded so good.

The automatic headlights come on whenever they sense darkness, leaving your hands free to wave at girls or twiddle the notchy radio controls on the steering. When you get in and close the door, the seat belt automatically rises up to your shoulder serving as a gentle reminder for you to buckle up. It's nice, but unnecessary, just like the two seats at the back. Those are only suitable for people with legs the size of pencils. To send someone back there you need a heart made of stone.

The A5 comes alive with a push of the key — but this is where the 2.0-litre turbo inline-four engine lets itself down.

Even though it is the smallest engine available, the front-wheel drive Audi would benefit a great deal if it had more guts. With a maximum power of 180bhp, it's in no hurry to get anywhere fast. Don't take this one to the local drag strip.

The top of the line 3.2-litre V6 FSI Quattro promises far more thrills than this weakling.

To get it moving is a daunting task; select drive and press down on the accelerator and… Well, not much. There is a momentary gap before the A5 decides to start its crawl.

The throttle response isn't great either — imagine yourself at a busy roundabout in dear old Deira, there's a gap but the car decides it needs a few more seconds before it moves. This is plain and simply dangerous. Flooring it makes it angry and it will pull away just about hard enough to give you gentle whiplash.

Then there's the ride quality, which is too firm for a car designed to bask along in the sunshine. It will rattle your teeth out on bumpy roads and feels like more emphasis has been put on gimmicks and gadgets rather than a pleasurable drive. Which is a shame, because this car ought to drive as good as it looks. The sporty two-door cab's body, albeit beautifully crafted, weighs a hefty 1,630kg.

You will have your work cut out in trying to keep it going in a straight line when it's topless, as it tends to wobble and drift from side to side. All this goes unnoticed in the A5 coupé, but it's the price you pay for the style of the convertible.

The fat leather-clad steering wheel is a bit light and uncommunicative, and it shudders if you turn into a bend at anything over 60kph. It fills you with dread that you are on the verge of an awful malfunction, which of course never happens. This car is German, after all, and reliability is their middle name.

With the fabric roof up, visibility from the rear window becomes minimal but that is not such a bad thing. For instance, you won't be able to see the maniac tailgating you in his Hummer.

The three-layer top, which comes in four different colours, does a good job of keeping the noise out of the carbon-trimmed cabin. There are also wind deflectors which do a thorough job when it's show-off time. So it's quiet inside and there is no need to yell at your passenger in order to be heard.

The CVT, though having no place in what's meant to be a sportscar, does what it's supposed to, but it is rarely made to work thanks to the disappointing power plant it's connected to. Switch the A5 to sports mode and the performance remains a bit soggy. Its saving grace is when you start fiddling with the paddle shift controls on the wheel. Drop it down the artificial gears and it bursts into life, delivering solid if unspectacular power all the way to the red-line before changing automatically. It adopts an angrier tone when being thrashed yet it prods you on to push it harder until it peters out at a respectable 220kph.

But at this speed, you will have shattered your spine from the bumpy ride, drifted across five or six lanes due to its wandering nature and your hands would be numb due to the vibrations from the steering wheel.

Then again, keep it well under 140kph and the A5 is a pleasure. It's the kind of car that likes to be seen. Stick on a pair of shades and park up for a coffee in Jumeirah — showing off is its best quality. Amazingly, it manages to be understated yet flashy which is quite a job to pull off. But unfortunately for my weekend, a sportscar it isn't.

Specs &Rrating