8 everyday habits that are secretly sabotaging your happiness and how to fix them

 Here’s a painfully common scenario.

 You land an interview for a senior role at a well-known company. You immediately convince yourself they will never choose you. You skip the prep, forget to research the company properly, and then, surprise, surprise, you fumble the interview. “I knew it,” you tell yourself.

 Classic self-sabotage.

 Psychologists describe self-sabotage as consciously or unconsciously creating barriers that prevent you from achieving your intended outcomes. Deep down, people who self-sabotage often have exceedingly low self-esteem, as psychologists had once told us. They don’t think they deserve to succeed. Childhood experiences, past failures, or workplace hardships often feed this pattern, turning it into a 'sneaky' psychological habit.

Here’s how to spot self-sabotage—and, crucially, how to fix it.

Perfectionism isn’t always a virtue. While striving for excellence can be motivating, excessive standards often backfire. Perfectionists set unattainable goals and ignore their progress along the way.

The result, is tension, anxiety and burnout.

 Fix: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and set realistic goals. Celebrate incremental progress instead of obsessing over a flawless outcome.

 Even the most qualified people can feel like frauds. Impostor syndrome thrives on fear of judgment or failure, clouding creativity and problem-solving.

Fix: Practise self-compassion and challenge negative self-talk. Remind yourself of past successes and seek supportive feedback from trusted colleagues or mentors.

 Perfectionism and anxiety often lead straight to procrastination. You delay tasks not because you’re lazy, but because the thought of failure is terrifying.

 Fix: Use time-blocking techniques, set mini-deadlines, and start tasks with just a five-minute commitment. Momentum often builds once you begin.

Procrastination leads to missed deadlines, reinforcing negative self-perceptions. Despite competence and dedication, employees can get trapped in a cycle of overly ambitious goal-setting, anxiety-induced procrastination, and underperformance.

 Fix: Prioritise tasks based on urgency and importance, delegate when possible, and track progress with reminders or project management tools.

Past mistakes often morph into paralysing fear. There’s an inner fear that things that went wrong before will happen again. Ironically, this fear pushes people to repeat errors.

Fix: Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. Journal about what went wrong, extract lessons, and visualize positive outcomes instead of dwelling on worst-case scenarios.

Self-saboteurs often resist help, fearing judgment or inadequacy. This isolation intensifies stress, making it harder to break the cycle.

Fix: Reach out to mentors, friends, or therapists. Sharing struggles creates accountability and offers new perspectives.

At the root of most self-sabotage lies the belief that you’re not enough. Childhood conditioning often feeds this pattern. Many of us were conditioned to seek approval from parents and later carry that fear into adulthood.

 Fix: This is a tough one, no doubt. While reaching out for support, also try practising daily affirmations and self-compassion exercises. Write letters to your younger self to validate your feelings and reinforce self-worth.

 Sometimes sabotage isn’t obvious. You might arrive late, set unrealistic goals, seek constant approval, or hesitate to speak up—all without realising you’re holding yourself back. This is an “approach-avoidance conflict”: your brain craves the dopamine from setting goals but triggers fear when it’s time to act, causing avoidance.

Fix: Increase self-awareness. Keep a journal to track habits, triggers, and emotional patterns. Once identified, consciously replace self-sabotaging actions with constructive alternatives.

 Experts recommend the SABOTAGE framework to tackle self-defeating habits:

 S – Self-awareness: Notice patterns of self-sabotage and triggers.

 A – Acceptance: Understand it’s a common human tendency and be kinder to yourself.

 B – Break it down: Break triggers into manageable steps.

 O – Open communication: Share struggles with supportive friends, family, or therapists.

 T – Thought reframing: Challenge negative thinking and focus on strengths.

 A – Action plan: Create realistic goals and timelines.

 G – Gratitude Practice: Acknowledge small achievements to fuel momentum.

 E – Embrace Imperfection: Accept mistakes as part of learning.

 So, i you see someone self-sabotaging, avoid anger. Encourage reflection, provide support, and offer positive reinforcement. Change takes time.