Change, without the rush: Why habits quietly fail

The appeal of a dramatic reset is easy to understand. New routines are announced with conviction, calendars are reset, and expectations rise fast. What rarely gets attention is the quieter work that follows. The habits that last tend to form without drama, built through repetition, structure, and small decisions repeated on ordinary days.

According to Dr Olivia Pounds, a Clinical Psychologist at The Hummingbird Clinic, sustainable change depends far more on how the brain manages effort than on how motivated someone feels at the start.

January intensifies these patterns. The pressure to begin the year strongly is often framed as motivating. Dr Pounds sees the opposite effect. “Many people start the year with an underlying fear that they will not be able to sustain change,” she says. That fear alone can reduce motivation before a habit has a chance to form.

From a psychological standpoint, the brain prefers efficiency. Well-established habits require less mental energy. New habits demand attention and cognitive effort. When pressure and self-criticism are layered on top, the brain can interpret the change as threatening.

This creates an internal push-and-pull. People try to force motivation while feeling overwhelmed. “This often results in an internal battle,” Dr Pounds says, one that is difficult to sustain. When the habit fades, the experience reinforces negative beliefs about capability and follow-through, making future attempts feel heavier from the outset.

Self-criticism is often mistaken for discipline. Dr Pounds describes it as a poor long-term motivator. “When people are self-critical, they often enter a psychological threat mode,” she says. Stress responses activate. Drive increases temporarily. Hypervigilance sets in. The short-term effect can look productive. Over time, it becomes exhausting. Burnout follows. Disengagement becomes likely.

What supports endurance instead is a different tone altogether. “Habits are more likely to be sustained when they are aligned with personal values and approached with compassion rather than perfectionism,” she says. Reducing pressure gives the brain space to build neural pathways gradually.

Motivation itself is often misunderstood. Some people struggle to access it due to neurobiological factors. Conditions such as depression or ADHD can disrupt dopamine systems that support goal-directed behaviour. Emotional exhaustion can feel similar.

Avoidance becomes more frequent. “The brain is tired and perceives the effort to engage as too great,” Dr Pounds explains. In those moments, she encourages shifting focus away from outcomes and back toward values.

If a goal is going to the gym, the underlying value may be health or mental well-being. Acting in line with that value does not require intensity. “Going for five minutes or taking a short walk still counts,” she says.

Initiating the task is often the hardest step. Starting, even briefly, helps the brain engage. Acknowledging the effort reinforces the behaviour and reduces the pressure to perform perfectly.

Restarting a habit after it fades can feel harder than starting from scratch. Dr Pounds attributes this to memory and anticipation. “The brain recalls the cost of sustaining the behaviour and then anticipates failure,” she says.

This lowers self-belief before the habit resumes. She reframes restarting as resilience. Repeated small actions gradually shift the work from conscious effort to automatic behaviour.

The inner dialogue that sustains change is neither forceful nor urgent. “Sustainable habit change is not about intensity or how quickly you can get there,” Dr Pounds says. “It is about consistency and compassion.”