At the Academy Awards: That's entertainment

That the Academy Awards on Sunday celebrated some exceptional, even mildly surprising, filmmaking is certainly not in doubt. But does the celebration itself deserve to be celebrated? After all, if we weren't interested in talking about the show too, the Oscars would be handed out at a nice, bubbly-laced dinner somewhere in Hollywood.

But the spectacle itself is as important as who wins what, which is why when it doesn't deliver, it's as disappointing for the audience as defeat is for the losing nominees.

This year's show, sadly, didn't deliver, and if further proof is needed, examine what most people had to talk about Monday morning: Jennifer Lopez's did-she-or-didn't-she wardrobe-slip, and Angelina Jolie's bare left leg, both of which got their own twitter feeds named after them.

We were back with Billy Crystal for his 9th innings, although judging from the amount of Botox in his forehead, he was trying to pretend we were all back at his first broadcast in 1990. His jokes hadn't caught up with the times either, it seems, with some jokes that played on race drawing instant Twitter criticism, such as his comment after Octavia Spencer won the best supporting actress award: "After I saw The Help I just wanted to hug the first black woman I saw, which from Beverly Hills is about a 45-minute drive."

Personal barbs

Crystal tried to tread an edge — perhaps inspired by the acerbic Ricky Gervais, whose cutting comments have made him a Golden Globes favourite, even as all of celebdom appears to despise him. Gervais managed that by aiming his very personal barbs directly at the stars, while Crystal's insults were aimed at everyone. Not a great move. Otherwise the filler between awards was his usual cruise-ship stand-up routine, including a mind-reading gag zooming in on audience members ("Nick Nolte: grrrrrrr") and inserting himself in the nominated films and a song medley. "You didn't think I wasn't gonna do this, did ya?" Well, we had hoped.

There was at least one memorable moment for Crystal, thanks to George Clooney: during that opening sequence, Crystal took the place of Clooney's comatose wife in a scene from The Descendants — just as she received a kiss. "You're a lucky girl," Crystal told Clooney's girlfriend Stacy Keibler in the audience.

More of a let down were the tired depths plumbed by the stars of Bridesmaids. Introducing the best short film category, Kristen Wiig wisecracked: "I prefer a short film with some heft, rather than a long film that just lies there and makes you do all the work."

Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy then revived the drinking game they'd started at the SAG awards — taking a shot any time someone says "Scorsese".

Luckily they had bottles of hooch with them when someone "unexpectedly" called out the name from the crowd. That was unfortunately juxtaposed with another example of female-centic filmmaking: the category's winner, filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy's Saving Face, is about female victims of acid attacks in Pakistan.

Scripted as heavily as ever, even clear comic and acting talents stumbled over the clunky dialogue (why don't they get Alexander Payne to write their script?) — Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Will Ferrell and Zach Galiafianakis all fell a little flat, although Jolie stuck her leg out of her dress to help her.

Some comic talents shone — Robert Downey Jr's obnoxious presenting turn; and Emma Stone, hamming up her moment as a first time presenter, was so natural, warm, charming and silly that we hope somewhere Anne Hathaway was taking notes.

 Cruise control

Dubai got a look in at the Oscars, during the opening sequence in which Billy Crystal jumped out of the Burj Khalifa like Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol. Cruise was brought back to present the biggest award of the night, Best Picture.

Smacked!

“Sandra Bullock worked the front row, chatting up George Clooney, awkwardly smooching Bradley Cooper and getting smacked on the rear by a jovial Meryl Streep.

Recreating history

Miss Piggy and Kermit introduced the Cirque du Soleil performances, which, like much of the ceremony, harked back to the early days of cinema. It started with two trapeze performers — in suits! — recreating the iconic scene in North By Northwest where Cary Grant is chased by planes.

Nun’s the word

It wasn’t hard to spot Elvis Presley’s old co-star on the Oscars red carpet. She was the one wearing the nun’s habit. Mother Dolores Hart, who left Hollywood 49 years ago to pursue a religious life, made a dramatic return to take part in the 84th annual Academy Awards ceremony. The Oscar-nominated documentary short film God Is the Bigger Elvis, tells the 73-year-old nun’s story.

 “It’s absolutely an extraordinary event,” said Mother Dolores, her voice barely audible above the red carpet’s screaming bleacher fans. “Believe me, this is very different than being in the monastery.”
Asked what Presley would think of her nomination, she replied, “I think he would be very happy.”

 Ashes to ashes

Our tweet of the Oscars goes to Ryan Seacrest: not only did Sacha Baron Cohen's Dictator pour what he claimed was an urnful of the late North Korean leader Kim Jong-il's ashes over him, but the world apparently rejoiced. "My mum always told me to pack two jackets for red carpets, always wondered why. Now I know," Seacrest tweeted.