Do you ever get those moments when you feel like there’s been a big mistake and that your boss has hired entirely the wrong person and that, despite the fact you didn’t lie on your CV, they’ve totally overestimated you. It feels a little bit like shuffling around in your mum’s heels when you’re a kid; you kind of look the part, but you’re totally faking it – and you suspect everyone can tell.
Apparently Imposter Syndrome is a common part of being an adult in a vaguely successful job. I had it pretty badly when I was the editor of a luxury online magazine. Anyone who knows me knows I’m about as luxe as a pair of supermarket jeans.
But, for this job, I’d be dining in 5 star restaurants feeling like a fraud as other people got over-excited and waxed lyrical about wagyu beef cheeks and lobster bisques as I was just enthusiastically nodding along.
I really would prefer to just eat a big hearty salad or a piece of crusty bread with a big lump of cheese, usually. All this fancy stuff is wasted on me. I’d also rather slip into a pair of flip flops than a pair of Louboutins or whatever… I just can’t get excited about this kind of stuff.
But, of course, for the job it was imperative to feign interest and to write about how wonderful it all was. I felt like a big fraud and that if anyone knew that I spent my weekends in stretchy pants and eating microwaved eggs they’d reel back in horror and realise they’d been tricked and I was, indeed, an imposter.
It’s happened before. I went for an editor position in Abu Dhabi about seven years ago and I remember thinking as I was interviewing “muhahahhahhaha… these guys have no clue that I’ve got no idea what I’m talking about…”
I got invited back for a second interview so I guess I must have impressed them, but I ended up being a no-show because I felt like too much of an imposter to pull it off. I kick myself now, of course. Everyone knows that you have to fake it till you make it… well, unless you’re a brain surgeon or something genuinely important. You should probably be pretty sure of yourself in careers like that.
But yeah, some days I feel like Sam from Quantum Leap. If you’re not familiar with the classic early nineties show, it was a programme in which the main character would wake up in other people’s bodies and have to try and fix their problems. He’d always wake up in a really crazy situation; being held at gunpoint or dressed as a woman. You should watch it.
Anyway, I feel like that when I find myself standing in front of a group of people and giving a presentation or being flown somewhere exciting for work (this barely happens anymore…). I feel I’m Sam and I have to just fake it and pretend that this is exactly where I should be.
Sure, I’m totally comfortable sitting in heels in a swanky restaurant and, later, writing authoritative pieces on why it’s all so luxurious and great. I think the most successful people – especially in creative industries – build their careers on smoke and mirrors and just have the confidence to own it.
Next time I put together my CV for an employer, I’m going to brag like crazy. If Imposter Syndrome is the norm in successful careers, I’m going to make myself out to be the most accomplished person you’ve ever heard of. While, on my Tinder profile, I am modest and coy about my achievements, when it comes to wooing a potential employer, you have to go the other way entirely. My next career move will be Gaby Doman: Writer Extraordinaire. Watch out, world.
