When it comes to relationships — especially those that are in trouble — it pays to whisper. Kerry Daynes, a consultant forensic psychologist, says rowing couples would do well to keep their voices down. "When couples are having difficulty communicating with each other, whispering can be a helpful technique. It requires both parties to make a conscious effort to listen. The whisperer is likely to slow down their communication and therefore think a little more about what they are saying. Meanwhile, the whisperee has to concentrate to hear what has been said and so may listen more effectively than usual.
"Whispering therapy has been embraced enthusiastically by Hollywood couples. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie displayed intimate whispering at a film premiere recently. Jolie was seen grinning on the red carpet as Pitt said something into her left ear. At another premiere, she reportedly whispered "I miss you" to him, even while sitting next to each other.
But relationship psychotherapist Hettie Hunter says: "The power of the whisper is something we pick up at birth. Low voices and touch are your first sensory experience and are a significant part of the bonding process."
Intimate message
Whispering is also a good way to reconnect with a relationship's honeymoon period, says Daynes. "It helps create an atmosphere of intimacy." But the power of a whisper is more than the sum of the words spoken. It requires proximity — you obviously have to get close to be heard.
It also pays to whisper in the appropriate ear. A study at the Sam Houston University in Texas showed that emotional words were considered more powerful — and more accurately recalled later — when delivered to the left ear. Non-emotional messages, such as instructions, were better recalled if spoken in the right ear, the side of the body controlled by the "logical" half of the brain.
Daynes admits it takes more than a few whispered words of encouragement to save a marriage — but a willingness to try is a sign of commitment. "Yes, it's a simplistic strategy. Couples should also consider visiting a relationship counsellor to learn skills such as negotiation, ‘constructive' arguing and how to listen and give feedback without criticising."
And don't forget Chinese whispers: the risk of being misheard runs high. As someone who is hard of hearing, sweet nothings are largely lost on me. But there are times when it helps to remember that actions speak louder than words.
Madonna and Guy Ritchie were said to have turned to the power of the whisper at the height of their marital difficulties last year. Passing empowering thoughts to each other in public is a form of relationship therapy encouraged by Kaballah, the mystical philosophy followed by the singer. Every 15 minutes, couples gently touch each other and whisper a single word that demonstrates what they like about the other. However, this didn't ultimately work for the Ritchies, who were reportedly overheard at a film premiere giving each other words of praise. Just weeks after he had whispered on the red carpet that she was "beautiful", "smart" and "mysterious" and she had told him he was "clever", "powerful" and "macho", they announced their divorce.
