On the job with Rania: Boss as buddy can be muddy

I am no fan of being buddies with a boss. It creates good material for office gossip — regardless of the boss's gender, and it can hardly develop into a real friendship.

A decent chat over lunch or coffee or even a family visit to the boss won't undermine your career. However, tearing down all the boundaries and assuming a best friend position can cause loads of harm at the professional level if handled inappropriately.

Even if the relationship is sincere, you will still have to deal with co-workers' perceptions and questioning of your intentions. You will need to make sure that you never receive any preferential treatment which can rise to the level of fraud in some companies. And you might find yourself in many cases wishing that your bosses knew less about your personal life and circumstances.

Here are a few situations in which a personal relationship with the boss can complicate matters in the work place:

Be your own boss

Employers place loads of importance on individuality. Higher management and even your own boss may prefer to be sure that your agreement or disagreement in opinion is built on your own conviction, creativity and views rather than an attempt to please him/her. Even the slightest suspicion of your integrity as a result of your connection to the boss can unimaginably discredit you in a work place that values individuality.

Career ambitions

If you express to your boss/buddy an interest, for instance, in changing careers or frustration with what you're doing, you might limit your own advancement within your company. For instance, your boss may assume you won't be interested in a promotion that does not meet the profile of your ambition or even think that if you take this post you won't be holding it for the long run. Assuming that your boss is not offering you any special treatment and making a decision based on the higher interest of the employer, you may exclude yourself by giving away your future career plans.

Too much sharing

In our years of employment, co-workers and supervisors see us going through the happy and sad events of life; and there is usually a great deal of understanding to the impact of these events on our work. However, if you become accustomed to voicing details, for instance, of an ongoing dysfunctional family situation or a struggle with a spouse or a partner to your boss, that is when it becomes tough for the person in authority to ignore the connection between these personal issues and your performance. To add to the awkwardness of the situation, your own expectations that the boss/buddy should be more understanding of what you're going through may simply ruin your judgment.

The bottom line is you never need your boss to think your personal life is continuously impacting your work because even if you manage to bring your performance under control, the perception is going to linger. So maintain a healthy distance from your boss and make sure when you're sharing, you're not sharing too much.

Taking the mystery away

Opportunities are often granted based on perceived potentials and capabilities. So don't let your boss have you completely figured out and be on your guard when it comes to stating clear and concrete goals to a boss/buddy. Additionally, people tend to complain about their frustrations with themselves and the workplace, which can only be damaging when the recipient is the person who at the end of the day, or the year, evaluates your motivation and loyalty to the workplace.

What they think matters

Who your friends are isn't anyone's business in itself. However, hanging out with the boss may influence the way co-workers treat you. They may not help questioning whether your advancement, promotion, pay raise, or any privilege is based on actual merit. Additionally, by being close to your boss, you might be unknowingly taking sides in office politics and find yourself alienated from certain groups in the workplace.

On a more serious note, you need to ensure that your success and accomplishments are appropriately credited and not shaped, or suspected to be shaped, by this personal connection in the view of higher management. Reporting lines often change and you can end up with a new boss who is not a fan of being friends with subordinates.

Be friends at your own risk

The writer, a former Business Features Editor at Gulf News, is a freelance journalist based in Salt Lake City, Utah.