When men hold fort

It's that time of the year when home-makers — with children in tow — jet off to their home countries on "long leave". The heat is upon us, schools are due to close for two months, and while the employed dare not hope to get off work for that long, home-makers have no such qualms. They can look forward to escaping the intense summer.

But as the wives board the aircraft, their minds busily ticking off last-minute tasks, a stowaway has also crept aboard in the form of anxiety.

How will my man cope? Will he remember to take down the freezer meals I slogged over for well over a week or gorge on burgers and fries? Will he remember to hang out the laundry … that is if he does get around to doing any?

Kalaichelvi Balasubramaniam is not one of those racked by mundane worries as she gears up to spend the two-month holiday with family and friends in her native Selangor, Malaysia.

"My husband is used to doing things for himself," says the mother of two, who arrived in Dubai two years ago. "As it is he goes out of town on work for seven-ten a days every month."

Quick fix

Although her husband is a stranger to cooking — "the only thing he can cook is two-minute noodles" — Kalaichelvi doesn't freeze meals. He is, however, a stickler for cleanliness. So Kalaichelvi has no worries on that score.

"While away, we talk about two-three times in a day," Kalaichelvi says. "But it's not the same. We miss him. My daughter keeps asking for him. And I keep worrying about him."

Pauline D. (full name withheld on request), who is from the UK, believes those left behind in the UAE to weather the summer while their families take a break, are not exactly roughing it up here. "There are so many activities nowadays — even skiing. They can work out in the gym; with less pressure from the family it could be a good time to begin. It's like going back to being single."

Retired from work now, Sarah (full name withheld on request) remembers a time many years ago when summer meant a "mass exodus" from the UAE and October was considered the beginning of the "social season". With a full-time job, she couldn't do the same, although she remembers a time when her 7-year-old daughter went alone to visit her grandmother. "Now there are more things to do. Coupled with the recession it means shorter holidays. The more has become less."

How do such long separations affect trust levels in a marriage? Sarah feels breaks are good as they build trust. "And if something is going to happen, it's going to happen anyway," she says.

Come summer, Naraeda Gouveia usually takes off for a month to be with her parents in Karachi, Pakistan. "It's always nice to go back home," says Naraeda, who lives in Dubai with her husband, daughter and mother-in-law.

Contingency measures while away include freezing cutlets and the like for her husband. "But my husband cooks well." As for the cleaning up, he gets a cleaner in every two-three days, when the mess gets out of hand.

The other side

So how do men look at the situation? Is having their wives and kids away just one of those tough situations that need facing up to? Or (closer to the truth) a time to play while the cat's away?

Henry Gouveia, who works in the real estate sector, is no stranger to a life alone. He's been in the UAE for 13 years, five as a bachelor and eight married to Naraeda.

"Cooking and cleaning are second nature to me," he says. Having the family away is a good time to do those odd jobs around the house. "I also get more time with friends and with myself," he says. "You aren't bound by any schedules. But the downside is you start missing your family."

Spending the summer away from home doesn't appeal much to Henry. "There's so much visiting to be done, family gatherings and you are out of your comfort zone. You end up more tired than when you had left."

"But honestly," I ask, "is it party time when Naraeda is away?"

"Pretty much."

I can almost hear my husband chime in with an "amen".

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Changing trends

"You could almost set your clock to it," says Mike McGinley, owner of House of Prose, a second-hand bookstore in Dubai. "By the third week of July all the wives and kids would pack up and leave … to return in September."

The American, who calls Torremolinos in southern Spain his hometown, says it is no longer that "clear-cut". A combination of factors, such as more activities for children in the UAE, the summer festival and the impact of the recession, is turning the trend. "And a lot more people now own homes in Dubai," he says.

McGinley is not planning to take a vacation this year, but his wife Traude, an Austrian, might be away for five months. "I usually go for a couple of months," she says, "but not in July and August, because it's hot in Spain as well and it's full of tourists at this time, particularly where we live. But come September and I'm gone."

Traude feels torn between having to leave Mike alone and wanting to go home to their apartment in Torremolinos, see her friends and take care of pending bank and legal work.

Her topmost concern is about the kind of food her husband will eat. Working weekends and late into the night eats into most of McGinley's time. "He doesn't get much of a chance to go out," Traude says. "And he's not a youngster, if you know what I mean — dancing in night clubs. He loves to read, watch television, and what he really loves is to play golf."

The McGinleys, who marked their 25th wedding anniversary this year, come in for a good deal of ribbing when they're apart. "When I'm away in Spain, my wife's friends joke that she must have gotten rid of me and buried me in the desert," McGinley says.

And how often do they stay in touch? "We e-mail all the time, and call once a week," he says.

The McGinleys have a cat and a few houseplants. "I don't go out of town much and whenever I do, I make sure there's someone to feed the cat."

And the plants? "My wife loves them. I try not to kill them."

— Maria E. Kallukaren is a UAE-based freelance writer