Cruising the Mediterranean with Mickey Mouse

I hurtled down, twisting and turning inside the chute, dropping three decks in less time than I could finish screaming. Aaaaaarggggh. My voice echoed off the walls as water surged all around me, helping gravity to force me down further and further. And then with a whoosh I was spat out at the end of the slide, emerging wet and trembling in front of a giggling group of children, including my own two.

Not that it was going to be difficult on board the 84,000-gross-ton cruise ship. With Mickey Mouse, Minnie and enough Disney princesses to hold a daily parade, my six-year-old girl was already begging to put on her Frozen Princess Elsa dress and go into the Disney’s Oceaneer Club. So after showering and drying off, we headed to Deck Five.

More mini theme park than kids’ club, Disney’s Oceaneer club caters for three- to 12-year-olds, who can also venture into the Oceaneer Lab. My son, who was just about to turn 12, preferred the uber-cool Marvel’s Avengers Academy, which took tweens and teenagers and trained them to be superheroes just like Iron Man, whose suit was in pride of place.

There was just enough time to get ready in our spacious stateroom – which had a double bed, lounge area, balcony, drop-down bunk bed (which went up into the ceiling during the day and which the children argued over at night as they both wanted to sleep in it) and a split bathroom with shower and bath.

Then we were off to watch The Dream Goes On at The Walt Disney Theatre before dinner. Good enough to feature on Broadway or London’s West End, this extravagant musical covered the Disney founder’s work from the creation of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (the forerunner to Mickey Mouse) to the present, and was given a standing ovation from my little girl. “I want to dance and sing on a ship when I grow up,” she said, belting out a rendition of Frozen’s Let It Go as we filed out of the theatre, much to the amusement of the crowd and embarrassment of her brother. “Ssssh,” he hissed, “everyone’s looking at us.”

Disney operates a rotational dining system, which means guests dine at a different restaurant each night but keep the same waiters so they get to know your likes and dislikes. “I’m a vegetarian and the children will eat anything if they know they will get ice cream at the end of the meal,” I told them to make life easier. As we feasted on tasty course after course, I noticed Michelle Heaton, the former singer of pop group Liberty X, was dining on the next table with her mother and little girl. “She’s Disney’s Mum of the Year,” one of the waiters told us, and my little girl perked up. “Do you think she’d like to hear my singing?” she asked, and my son groaned.

It was 10pm by the time we finished eating, and I was ready for bed. The children were exhausted too, and so we let the ocean lull us to sleep, ready for an early morning.

The next day we woke up in our first port of call, Villefranche, in the south of France. After a delicious buffet breakfast in Cabanas we caught our first sight of Mickey Mouse posing for pictures in the grand atrium lobby. Three decks high, this gorgeous art deco lobby features a giant chandelier inspired by the way the sun glistens on the sea, a grand piano, and a bronze statue of “Helmsman Mickey”, which has stood in the atrium since the ship’s maiden voyage in 1998 but has had a makeover to give his skin a new lustre. The large portholes give the lobby the wow factor, reminiscent of the golden age of ocean liners.

After a quick snap and an autograph from the real Mickey – not the statue – we went to sunbathe, play in the pool and catch Disney classics such as Finding Nemo and The Lion King on Funnel Vision – a giant TV on the, yes you guessed it, funnel. When it became too hot, we disembarked for a stroll through Villefranche – a beautiful little town with boutique shops, bistro-style restaurants, and elegant French men and women.

This show is, according to the Personal Navigator (the daily list of what’s going on onboard and ashore delivered to your stateroom each evening), the first musical dedicated to the likes of Cruella de Vil, Captain Hook, The Lion King’s Scar and Maleficent, as Hades summons up the most powerful baddies to create more evil in the Underworld. Hilarious, brilliantly staged, with fantastic acting and costumes, this was as good as anything I’ve seen in the West End, and my children wanted to catch the repeat show later. “It’s so good,” they echoed.

The next day we docked in La Spezia, Italy, for another glorious day. We could have hotfooted it to Florence or Pisa with a Port Adventures shore excursion but we preferred to stay on board.

After the obligatory AquaDunk my little girl went to the Oceaneer Club for Aloha Luau, a Hawaiian party where she learned to dance like Lilo and Stitch, while my son went to Edge, the club for 11- to 14-year-olds where he took part in Brains and Brawn, a trivia and physical challenge.

Named after the iconic long poles used to navigate gondolas around Venice, this premium restaurant focuses on northern Italian cuisine. With crisp white tablecloths and large windows to watch the waves below, Palo’s menu is as delicious as the view. I dined on Tuscan minestrone soup with fresh basil and pumpkin and broccoli gnocchi, which was so tasty my plate didn’t need cleaning afterwards. I eschewed dessert for an Italian cheese platter, which included my favourite creamy blue, Dolcelatte.

I could relax during the meal as I’d taken one of the two mobile phones that come in every stateroom with me so I could keep in touch with my son in the Academy. “Are you done yet?” he nagged as I finished off my meal. “There’s a film I want to watch in the cabin tonight.”

Sporting our bandanas, eye patches and gold hooped earrings, we joined Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook, along with his ship mates, for the buccaneer’s bash, which culminated in Mickey flying across the ship on a zip wire and a spectacular fireworks display – the only one at sea.

We oohed and aahed as myriad colours lit up the inky skies above the ship, then joined in the dancing and singing until late.

And then it was our last day as we sailed across the Mediterranean Sea back to Barcelona. We topped up our tans, braved a few more AquaDunks and then went to watch Disney Dreams at the theatre before dinner. It’s an amazing show I first saw on board the Disney Wonder in the Caribbean about a little girl who learns that dreams can come true when she meets Peter Pan and learns to fly.

Afterwards we dined in Animator’s Palate again, bidding adios to the fine food as well as Mickey Mouse as we sped towards Barcelona. “How was your cruise?” our waiter asked at the end of the meal. We didn’t hesitate and answered in unison. After all, we only needed one word to describe the family holiday of a lifetime: “Magic,” we cried, vowing to come back soon.