It was with a great deal of excitement and anticipation that I waited for my daughter’s return. My heart lifted in joy when I thought of all the girly things we would do together — watch movies, go shopping, get manis and pedis ... the list went on. Yes indeed, it would be like old times again, before she flew off for further education, leaving us behind with an empty nest.
I’m sure most of us parents, especially mums, love the idea of one of their children living with them. In this part of the world, the separation between parents and children is abysmally early, as soon as they finish schooling. So we send them off, thinking this is for the greater good, to lands and cultures far removed from ours, expecting their youthful resilience would see them through every new situation. They return dutifully every holiday, full of their new lives, their new adventures and we are proud of how grown-up and independent they’ve become.
Often, these children find a job in the same country or perhaps in another country, but far away from home. But just sometimes, either due to not getting a job or to visa issues, the grown-up son or daughter returns.
Now, we all have these glamorous illusions of the past, when adult children used to live with their parents. However, it is not quite the same when an independent-minded young adult is willy-nilly forced to return to the parents’ fold. Dear reader, it’s hard on both sides and you begin to look on those empty nest days with nostalgic longing!
Let me start with the cooking. The simple food that a middle-aged palate is used to no longer suffices. Suddenly, you have a youngster with a taste and fancy for exotic cuisines. The fridge, which was till recently stocked with sensible items like fresh fruit and veggies, now groans under the weight of different products whose names you can’t even pronounce. And combined with the cooking are the expeditions to the supermarket, which suddenly become more frequent. Not to mention the food bills that skyrocket.
And then there are the late nights. Like most young people, weekends are spent partying with those their age. Your sleep suffers as you suddenly wake up at 2am and realise your precious child has still not returned! A phone call is often not picked up, because (as they later explain) the music at the venue was deafening. Until they return, the worst possible scenario plays out in your mind about what could have happened to them. Dear me! Those peaceful nights of the past are now a dream.
But perhaps the hardest problems are the arguments. We parents tend to forget that we had relinquished the reins of control when we had sent our ward away for higher studies. They now have minds of their own and not just resent you interfering in their plans, but say so in no uncertain terms. So one of the first lessons you learn is to control your tongue and not give any kind of unsolicited advice. And believe you me, this is one of the hardest things to do.
Who said the empty nest was one of the most depressive periods in a person’s life? They couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you get over the initial blues, you find you have all the time in the world and more to do whatever you wanted to do. It is actually a golden period in one’s life, when you’re still not too old to dabble in your hobbies or nurture your latent talents and in the process lead an extremely fulfilling life.
Dear reader, I am not being “unnatural”. Yes, it is also a delight to go for those manis and pedis and especially to have someone who gives us a frank opinion of the new outfit we wear. However, in all other ways, having an adult child live with you is relearning some old rules, and then some new ones too!
I am now waiting for my daughter to once more spread her wings and take off to wherever life takes her. It is better for the two of us. Give me back my empty nest any day!
Padmini B. Sankar is a Dubai-based freelance writer.
