Times have changed

Like everything else in the modern world, the way we bring up our families has changed. Where once it was the straightforward parental nod that led to children's obedience, now roles are reversed and it is parents who have to be given constant lessons in correctly fulfilling what should have been their natural instinct. There's no room for hit and miss or experimentation; today's children come preloaded with the collective consciousness of generations past and without instruction booklets or guides, they manage the challenging job of bringing up their parents.

Gone are the days when parents could play favourites now and then, secure in the knowledge that the child would let off steam or sulk for a while and then move on to the next day. Now it is different. Parents need to be clued up on what constitutes favouritism and be wary of being accused of it. After all, they could be doing irreparable harm to their children's psyches. Haven't they read Freud and Jung and all the others who came after them? Don't they know that these little incidents of favouritism are going to be cited as reasons behind every wrongdoing for at least the next 30 years?

So, a simple act such as saving a simple slice of cake for one of the children, or even the dog, assumes monumental proportions and the length, breadth and depth of that slice, the amount of cream on top and between the layers has to be gone over with a ruler, a measuring tape, a compass and a sextant before putting it into the freezer. No taking chances!

Parents have to question themselves each time they dig an offending report card out of a hidden school bag. No longer can they react by whacking the offending child on the rear and shouting, "Stop loitering and go and study!" They can't mutter to themselves, "Lazy, useless fellow," and get on with what they were doing to make a living for the family. Oh no. First of all, their mutterings could be overheard by the child and do permanent damage to that delicate psyche that everyone is so concerned about. Secondly, they have to distinguish between the crime and the person, so that they learn the subtle distinction between a simple wrongdoing and the permanent branding of a wrongdoer. Third, they have to go back to their own childhood, recall through the pea soup of time what their ambitions had been and whether they had fulfilled them and then question themselves about those red marks in their child's report card.

Aha - everyone knew it all along - it was their fault! That poor child was innocent and sorely wronged. It was the parents who'd been trying to foist their unfulfilled desires onto their kids, creating all those pressures that couldn't be dealt with.

As for learning how to handle peer pressure, oh, parents have a long way to go there. They need to concentrate on the skills required to climb the ladder in order to afford all the bare necessities such as iPods, BlackBerries, laptops, bikes and cars. They could do this easily if only they could shift their focus away from their friends' kids, who ace every exam ever created, and their children's friends, who do the same, and look instead at the guy driving the Hummer and crashing it - only to get a new one.

Yes, everything is different now. But as one parent to another, I think the new generation is doing a great job of bringing us up, keeping us in line and on our toes.

Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.