Small Talk - is it really small?

I have noticed that small talk with total strangers is something most people struggle with in this part of the world.

Upon stepping into any elevator, many of us are transformed suddenly from cheery go-getters into silent zombies studying the floor or meditating the style of shoes!

Why are those brief moments we are forced to share with total strangers so awkward and intimidating to so many?

Look at the Americans. They are the undisputed masters of small talk, anywhere, everywhere and regardless of the purpose, situation or venue.

Why are Americans better in small talk than Arabs? You may ask!

To get a better understanding of this issue, I turned to B.S. Humphreys, the noted scholar who heads the school of Small-Talkiology at Harvard.

"Why are some people better in small talk than others?"

"You have to look at the big picture. Small talk is not for everyone. You have to know what to say, when to say it and how to say it. It all has to do with your attitude towards ice."

"You mean ice, as in ice-cream?"

"No, I mean breaking the ice! Some people believe that ice is there to be broken. Others believe it is there to be preserved. That's all."

"I am intrigued! Is it that complicated?"

"To acquire strong ice-breaking power, you must develop a sense of topicality that suits the situation you're in. Americans are the best in this, having perfected the art of ice-breaking they are bent on destroying all the ice in the world."

"Seems like hard work!"

"Absolutely, nothing should be left for chance. You should never leave home without being fully prepared for the small talk of the day. For starters, you should never attempt to quip about large, complex issues. Forget famines, droughts, civil wars, poverty, world hunger, child labour, ethnic cleansing campaigns, and so forth. Forget the Arab-Israeli conflict, Iraq or Darfur, for that matter. These are not for elevators. People who are late for work in the morning have a pressing issue with hot coffee much more than world crisis or current affairs."

"What should you quip about then?"

"Small things - small talk is basically about small things. Like the weather, or the weekend, or the latest sports news, Monday-morning quarterbacking, or Britney Spears' latest bald head. Don't get too personal though. Don't look at the stranger next to you and admire his shirt, tie or shoes! That's a no-no. Same principle applies for ladies. That's even a bigger no-no."

"Why are these topics more important to Americans than world affairs?"

"You have to look at the effect of television. TV sets today outnumber people in the US for the first time in history. What does this tell you? It tells you that people are absorbing much more information from TV sets than they could ever possibly digest! All this pressure of information filling and processing has to be released somehow. Consequently, people in the US genuinely believe they are all entertainers. Hence they act as time-bombs waiting for that right "elevator-moment" to prove it."

"And where do Arabs fit?"

"In my view, Arabs genuinely believe they are all singers. Look at this fascination with music videos, singers & what have you, it's insane! Singers probably outnumber doctors and scientists combined! Which means humming and singing will be the new small talk for Arabs in the years to come. Mark my words."

"Is that the reason Arabs generally tend to avoid small talk?"

"That's the First reason. When you believe deep down that you are a singer, you tend to treat strangers like dispensable fans and you refrain from initiating small talk with them. No one talks to fans. You just wave to them from a distance."

"What's the Second reason?"

"The Second reason is that Arabs are much better in big talk."

Ahmad Zahzah is a journalist based in UAE.