Signs to make you wince

A mystery sign inside an Indian vegetarian restaurant spoiled my lunch just as I was unravelling the dosa and searching for the potato filling.

It said: "Personal belongings at your own risk". I couldn't make any head or tail of what it meant. I slowly translated it into Hindi, thinking the sign painter may be thinking of something else, but the translation made it equally incomprehensible, partly because my Hindi is terrible.

Did the manager of the restaurant mean that there are crooks about in this place and not to keep your mobile lying around and to keep tabs on your wallet? But that did not seem to be case, because most of the people were talking on the phone while eating, and they were eating with their fingers.

So, no pickpockets among this bunch, I thought of myself, because if anyone of these patrons puts a hand in my pocket they would leave messy traces of their curried fingerprints.

I finally deciphered the sign as meaning, "watch your stuff". Still, it was much better in communicating the fact than this sign in a Hong Kong restaurant: "Keep precious object in container certainly. Precious object that does not keep, does not take responsibility." In other words, watch your belongings.

International language

There are some signs in Dubai which make you take a double take as you are passing by in the car. "This shop shifted to there", said one in Karama. I still could not find out where "there" was.

English is supposed to be an international language; pilots speak the language to make sure there are no mix-ups in the sky as they take off and land, diplomats and politicians use it to make sure you don't understand anything. The same is the case with sign painters around the globe.

The Japanese seem to go to wonderful lengths to write short and simple English sentences. Take for instance this sign above a toilet bowl: "Be graceful, be civil. Prohibit excretement."

In India, a sign outside on the street, would make the same statement, but something like this: "Do not commit nuisance."

Somebody has gone through a lot of effort to compile strange and funny signs from around the world. You can find these on the website engrish.com

I share some of the funniest ones with you:

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

(I did not realise taking a lift was such a simple task.)

In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk. Its not unlike leaving your heart in San Francisco."

In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists." (A tooth extracted by any Methodist is still painful).

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions." (That happened to me once).

In a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles our passage then tootle him with vigour."

I suppose most motorists in Dubai do the same thing whenever they see pedestrians trying to cross the street. They tootle them with vigour.