Learning a few home truths

We grew up with proverbs all around us. Sighs and murmurs from the matriarch as she was busy in the kitchen were generally followed by a muttered: Many hands make light work.

We would be compelled by our conscience and a slight nudge from a gruff voice, in case the conscience was out of commission for the day, to do our bit at the grindstone of sweet-making or pickle-paring or jam-stirring. None of which was soul-stirring in any way at the time, but is now a bittersweet part of our childhood memories.

As we grew older and we learnt a few home truths for ourselves, we'd try to use them to our advantage. It was no longer so easy for our parents to herd us around and make us help out. Too many cooks spoil the broth, we'd declare blithely and run off to play with friends, unmindful of the solitary soul slaving over the stove.

To add insult to injury, we'd come home with hungry friends and proceed to polish off the contents of the dishes laid out on the table for the family. Charity begins at home, mother was fond of saying whenever we were reluctant to share with our sisters and brothers.

And now, when she gazed thunderstruck at the empty dishes, we'd repeat it to her to show how well we'd learnt our lessons.

But charity went out of the window if it suited us. When cousins we didn't get on with landed up and mother and father were in their element with sisters and brothers, we'd sulk in corners, convinced that the blood that was thicker than water ran only in their veins and had turned to bile by the time it came to the next generation; for us it was clearly a case of familiarity breeds contempt!

We'd sidle out through the back door, so we wouldn't have to introduce the visitors to our friends and neither side could judge us by the company we kept.

When exam time came we heard a lot of adages - and no doubt, automatically, we repeat them to our children today. God helps them those who help themselves, we were chided when we tried to bargain during our night prayers.

Give us an easy question paper, said one in anticipation of the next day's test; give us higher marks, said another, who'd already blundered through a test she was ill prepared for. What happened to faith can move mountains, we'd say accusingly?

One would imagine that by the time we were teenagers, both generations in the house would have learnt that there's something for every occasion, so best leave proverbs out of the conversation; but no, a little way down the line and we were at it again.

Choosing career courses was made tougher when half the family advised caution: Look before you leap, they said. Has anyone you know done that course? He who hesitates is lost, said the others. Don't you know that you need to take risks? Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Confused and confounded, we reached adulthood, hoping to have laid all maxims to rest once we were away from the family home.

Out of sight, out of mind, we sighed with relief - only to realise a short while later that the wisdom of ages sometimes says it best, and, indeed, Absence makes the heart fonder and there are two sides to every adage!

And so we're back to twelve of this and a dozen of that, desperately see-sawing when the intention is to stay on an even keel!

Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.