Divided by generations, but united by love. This best sums up the unique relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.
I have seen the most amazing rapport between these two sets of people and have marvelled at the special bond they share.
Expert opinion says that grandparents are so beloved as all they have to do is spend time with young ones without worrying about discipline as the parents are there to dispense that.
So, they can afford to be indulgent and spoil the children. But there is much more to this special relationship.
This is their chance to show their loving side, which perhaps their own children never got a glimpse of.
At that stage of their lives, they had to shoulder the responsibility of looking after a family and seeing that their children turned out well.
High standards
That left little place for outward displays of affection and the only way they could show how much they cared was to set high standards and not let them be perceived as soft.
Having lived abroad for many years, I know fully well that those who opt to live away from family always think about the ones left behind.
While they try to make a better life for their children, the young ones miss out on bonding with grandparents.
Every effort is made to make the lives of aged parents as comfortable as they can as bringing them over to where you stay is not the best solution.
Elderly parents want to live in surroundings that are familiar and comforting. They would rather stay just where they are and this poses a problem.
I recently read a newspaper article about professional companions being available for aged people whose own children are too far away to provide them the luxury of being at hand.
With India’s elderly population rising rapidly and younger people seeking greener pastures, this facility serves a useful purpose.
Deprived of bonding
Deprived of the chance to bond with their grandchildren, many in this age-group just need someone to talk to, to listen to them and validate their accomplishments in life.
This is where the professional companion steps in.
Some of these volunteers are college students and say that all these people need is someone to whom they can talk about how times have changed (somehow your own children are not too keen on dwelling in the past).
They still have a keen interest in current affairs and enjoy discussion and debate.
The young volunteers say that they, too, benefit from this interaction. They receive career advice and feel free to speak about their fears and concerns, which is not always easy to share with family or even friends.
One of these volunteers has increased the frequency of his visits as he has developed a close relationship with the old man he sees.
Earlier, he used to visit only when he was needed for a particular purpose. Now, the two have developed a bond like that between a grandfather and a grandson and enjoy each other’s company.
A woman volunteer has found that there are culinary benefits too. For example, whenever she visits the home of a senior citizen, she is greeted with the tantalising aroma of tasty snacks specially prepared for her.
It is not a one-sided relationship. The old lady is fond of music and her volunteer makes it a point of taking her to concerts.
The rapport takes time to grow.
Initially, there is resentment at having to depend on a stranger or anger at their own children for outsourcing their responsibilities. But, loneliness can make people reach out or be more amenable to change.
I am happy to read about such start-ups that recognise a need and act to fill that gap. You don’t need to be related to strike a sympathetic chord with someone. Sometimes you can be more open with strangers.
Vanaja Rao is a freelance writer based in Hyderabad, India.
