Much before the pandemic struck, we — five couples linked through blood and friendship for the past 20 plus years — had fallen into the habit of catching up every Thursday after dinner. Fishing for an invitation would begin some time that morning until one of us would finally cave in and invite everyone over.
After another week at work, this was the time to decompress. The very reason why dinner was not on offer. Nobody was meant to be inconvenienced in any way — either with the thought of drawing up a menu, of then serving it up on the table and finally clearing it all up after everyone had left.
The focus was meant to be purely on relaxing into the conversation that unfolded. Every topic launched, however, very quickly fell into the realm of nonsensical humour. Few were the times when our group could sustain a serious discussion. And mind you, that’s not always a good thing!
Many a Thursday evening we would talk about the tech start-up that one among us had set up after throwing up a career in banking.
On the cusp of launching
It was but natural to dwell on its progress from time to time. So from one Thursday to the next, we learnt about how the company was working on an app, how it was on the cusp of launching it, how the app wasn’t doing as well as expected, how it had now been abandoned in place of another more winsome one that was showing more promise.
The man going through it all often highlighted his errors of judgement, and the hits and misses he was experiencing on the very bumpy entrepreneurial road that he had chosen to take.
If it were possible to read the thoughts of each one in that group, it would have been ones of unequivocal admiration, maybe even a dash of envy that he had the guts to pour all his savings into an idea and was now firmly committed to its success.
Nearby sat his wife — quiet, unassuming and content in not claiming a spot in the limelight. It was not in her nature to pitch in with an excited comment or opinion that would somehow show to advantage her own unstinting support in her husband’s enterprise.
It occurred to me, that although not in a conventional sense, she was an “entrepreneur” in her own right. If uncertainty, long hours, tough decisions, forever learning, trial and error, frequent setbacks, frustration and the fact that years could pass before one sees the fruits of one’s labour — if these are the hallmarks of the entrepreneur’s journey, then she was one all right.
Some 20 odd years ago, she took her first uncertain steps into marriage followed by motherhood. She might have entertained notions of finding a job early in her life as a wife, but then as a mother, she rationalised that her growing family needed her more.
Source of vicarious pleasure
The days passed into weeks, into months, into years and her own dreams were shoved to the back, crowded out by the more immediate concerns of daily life.
She poured all her energies and her talents, her skills and her intelligence into nurturing her children and caring for her husband, all the while getting the mundane family chores done so that the others could take wing and fly, secure in the knowledge that at the close of the day their nest would be waiting — warm food, clean clothes and a patient ear eager to hear all that they had been up to in their day. It was a source of vicarious pleasure, tuning in to their lives outside home, and she was eager to hear every little bit they chose to share.
I am aware that hers is by no means a unique journey. It’s also disheartening when ambitious go-getters in society look down on those who choose this seemingly unimaginative and mundane path.
It’s probably the very commonness of it that causes us as a society to fail to admire how resilient, enterprising and tough are those — male and female — who set aside their own interests to nurture those of others.
Maria Elizabeth Kallukaren is a freelance journalist based in Dubai