Of joint family bonds & burden
Of joint family bonds & burden
Like most adults, Sara Tree never expected to move back home with her mother.
As the parent of grown children herself, she had long prized her independence. But two years ago, after losing her job, she had nowhere to go but her mother's one-bedroom apartment in Santa Barbara, California.
Although she has been employed since then, her most recent job ended in December.
“My mum has been extraordinary in allowing me to share her space,'' says Ms Tree, who asks to be identified by her pen-name.
“I have no privacy but I have learned to live with that.''
According to the 2007 US census, 3.6 million parents live with adult children, up from 2.3 million in 2000. Their ranks continue to grow.
“At first, families feel the honeymoon stage,'' says Natalie Caine, founder of Empty Nest Support Services in southern California.
“They get to practise true giving. They feel a new sense of purpose, which is enlivening. Then the differences arise. The downside is sharing space.''
Many families find appreciation helps to minimise challenges.
Whatever circumstances cause a family to double up, Caine encourages people to enjoy the time they have together. “Mistakes will happen.
Things will break. Put love and family first, not control,'' she says.
Harmony
Parenting expert Susan Newman offers tips to avoid potential conflicts:
- Make sure financial contributions are defined so there's no misunderstanding.
- Discuss everyone's expectations for how the new living arrangements will work so no one is disappointed.
- Go over basics: Who will do the grocery shopping or the laundry? How much are you expected to babysit or car pool? Think a request through before you commit to it.
- Don't allow tension or resentment to build.
- Be wary of slipping back into the parent-child role, telling your adult offspring what to do.
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