Lexus ES 350: Full of character

The new Lexus ES 350 could very well have been created by Charles Dickens. It’s a classic rags-to-riches story, and the latest car from Japan’s luxury carmaker is the protagonist, rising from its lowly roots in the slums to eventually find itself in the good part of town, much like Dickens’ famous creation, Oliver Twist. In place of the book’s Mr Brownlow, however, Mr Lexus adopts the new ES, which started life as a lowly, Oliver Twist-esque Toyota Avalon.

“Please, sir,” whimpered the Toyota Avalon, “I want some more.” Instead of clonking it on the head with a spanner though, the Japanese engineers happily obliged, nourishing the Toyota into a Lexus with seconds, and thirds — after all, they needed to get this proletariat fattened up for high society. And they’ve certainly fattened it up all right; this front-wheel drive saloon weighs almost as much as an entry-level, rear-driving BMW 5 Series.

At first glance, the Lexus ES seems completely characterless — but it is actually so bursting with the personality trait of not having a personality, that it ends up being full of character. I mean, an incessant type of behaviour is quite a mannerism, even if that character is being so boring that you put everyone around you to sleep, right? You can also think of it this way: buy a new Lexus ES and your daily commute to work turns into a power nap.

Another aspect of the ES I picked up on during my week-long test drive was the chassis dynamics, which, frankly, you don’t need a week to pick up on. Get in, turn into a corner, scramble for the grab handle. I don’t know how else to describe the car’s handling ability, other than it goes around corners just fine, but you’ll be running after it trying to jump back in through the side window you fell out of.

In fact, it drives a lot like I would imagine a hammock to behave if it had wheels. Have you ever had that ‘getting into a hammock’ experience? That completely detached feeling, where the harder you try to settle the swinging, the more and more violent it becomes — that is what it feels like to wrestle an ES through a series of corners. So, handling: slow in, slow out. Remember that.

Yet just like a hammock, once you master the intricacy of getting in and staying in, the ES is pure bliss. With its soothing sway, this adult-sized rocking cradle is heavenly to let the miles roll away in. May as well keep those pyjamas on… Lexus says it offers real wood trim inside the new ES, while the hybrid model even gets a bamboo option, but I’d say the wood trim in my tester stems from the cheapus plasticus genus.

The rest of the cabin is gorgeous; with soft, plush seats lined with tender leather, a GS-inspired dashboard design and an ergonomically flawed second-generation Remote Touch Interface, controlled by a centre console mouse-like thingy that isn’t that ideally placed. It works well though, and while some have an aversion to it, I found it kept my eyes on the road more once I got used to it. The display isn’t as massive as in the bigger GS saloon, but it’s still an 8.0in screen, joined by a 3.5in TFT in the instrument binnacle.

Back seat passengers enjoy 70mm more knee room, while legroom is up 104mm on the old model. They also get window shades and the option to tilt and slide the front passenger seat in all the fleet models the Dubai hotels will no doubt be snapping up. In the centre armrest of the rear bench seat (now thinner to free up room, but no less comfortable) is a whole array of buttons to control the audio, air conditioning and such amenities. It’s like an LS still in puberty.

The cabin is as quiet as can be, too, thanks to new fluid-filled engine mounts, more sound-absorbing materials and an engine intake tuned to silently puff rather than gobble up air. This thing was raised right, with impeccable Japanese mannerisms, keeping its mouth shut when the adults are around. I like that. The engine is powerful, completely smooth, and able to call upon its 272-strong cavalry anywhere in the rev band, with a linear torque delivery and inconspicuous background action from the six-speed automatic gearbox.

The steering feels entirely artificial, but the wheel is electrically adjustable and comfortable to hold, with a light assisted action and a reduced steering ratio. For peace of mind, the ES comes equipped with a segment-leading 10 airbags as standard equipment, and rides on low-rolling-resistance tyres over 17in wheels.

It also helps that, with its lower profile, 45mm longer wheelbase and a 25mm stretched body, coupled with its smattering of chrome, HIDs, LEDs, and L-finesse styling cues, passers-by just might mistake this for the considerably more expensive GS, especially with that spindle grille shouting “I’m a Rexus” to everyone who’ll listen. Unfortunately you’ll know the truth. It’ll always be a front-wheel drive Avalon whimpering for seconds.