Don't ask for my opinion!

I made a grave mistake, and I should have known better.

When a friend finished with her partner, I full-heartedly joined in with the boyfriend-bashing.

I had never much liked him and she seemed to be really sure it was over. I said some bad things about him — really bad. Then she got back together with him. Oops.

This is one of the basic rules of friendship. You never boyfriend- or husband-bash.

You say tactful, wishy-washy but supportive things, such as “I think he should show you more respect when you do this'' or “Perhaps you could ask him to help you out a little more with that''.

What you don't say is: “Yeah, I always thought he was an idiot. I'm so glad I never have to see his stupid, ugly face again.'' You'll feel like a two-faced fool when they make up.

Also, your friend will always remember that you think her partner is a useless idiot.

This has clear friendship-threatening potential. She will always have it at the back of her mind that you are out to sabotage her relationship, should they ever get back together.

Instead of saying what you really want to, you have to be supportive in a roundabout way — you know “you have to do what you think is right'' and “I'll support you through all of this''.

Letting rip that she could do better and that he is a total cockroach may be what she wants to hear at the time but six months later, when they have patched up and are planning their wedding, you may not make the top of the list as their choice for bridesmaid.

Being friends with their boyfriend or husband can also be a potential minefield. I used to be friends with a couple.

I met the girl first and began hanging out with her and her husband — often just the three of us. It was lovely, except when they argued.

I love the girl but she was rather unreasonable and would pick holes in her hubby's behaviour at every opportunity.

It was awkward, to say the least. The worst part was that she tried to engage me in the goading too.

“Don't you think Jake is an idiot when he does that, Gaby?'' “Ermmm, ha, well, I … .'' “You see, even Gaby thinks you're a big, fat loser.''

Thankfully, he realised I couldn't speak up for him without incurring the wrath of my friend — but it did make relations between us rather difficult.

In an ideal world, we would never have to see our friends' other halves and could just pretend that side of their lives was fantasy, like unicorns and elves.

We would talk about our boyfriends and husbands in a vague way and relationships would be a hazy concept. That way, we would never have to get our hands dirty in other people's love lives.