When silent treatment becomes emotional abuse: Signs to spot and healthier ways to handle conflict

A silent treatment feels like an emotional suffocation. It’s the frustration of trying to communicate with someone you care about, only to be met with indifference. It’s like shouting into the void—your voice lost, your emotions ignored.

Dubai-based Radhica Parekh remembers the frantic anxiety she felt after a fight with her former partner. The quiet and unease crippled her, despite her insistent pleas that he should break the silence and just sort out the fight. Yet, he didn’t listen: He did his household chores, call friends home, be overtly friendly to them, all while ignoring her, till she finally dissolved in tears. It was an unpleasant reminder of childhood, when her mother would do something similar: Ignore her, and become extra talkative to her sister.

It's frustrating. “It brings out such rage, tears and aggression. It’s a cruel form of abuse; you’re just keeping the person on the hook, and putting them on edge, all the time,” she says.  

Finally, one day, she broke a plate in anger. “And that’s when I knew, that I couldn’t take it anymore.”

As Dubai-based psychologists and stress specialists explain: The silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, is a form of emotional abuse. It involves intentionally ignoring or refusing to communicate with someone, offering only monosyllabic responses, and avoiding any emotional or physical contact. While it may seem like a temporary coping mechanism, it quickly turns into a tool for manipulation and control.

Why silent treatment is often a form of abuse

Silent treatment compels a person to seek the other’s attention, approval or affection, stirring feelings of confusion, anxiety or worthlessness, explains Dubai-based Katherine Greene, a stress specialist. It manipulates a person into feeling responsible for the situation, even if they haven’t done anything wrong. “When you refuse to communicate, you are exerting control over the relationship. This tactic reinforces an imbalance of power, leaving the other person feeling powerless and uncertain of how to resolve the situation,” adds Greene.

Elaborating further, Greene adds that the person on the receiving end is filled with helplessness, as they’re unable to engage or resolve the conflict. “This refusal to communicate isn't just an avoidance of a conversation—it's a strategic move to assert dominance and control over the relationship. By withholding any form of acknowledgment or response, the person giving the silent treatment takes away the other person's ability to address the issue or find closure,” she says.

The person who is ignored is left in a state of uncertainty, unsure of what has triggered the silence or how to resolve the situation. The silence can be a form of emotional withdrawal, making the recipient feel invisible, unimportant, or at fault, even if they have not done anything wrong. This leaves them in a vulnerable position, often second-guessing themselves and wondering what they did to deserve this treatment.

It closes the doors on any form of communication, preventing the possibility of negotiation, or reconciliation.  The person on the receiving end may try to apologize or explain themselves, but without any response or acknowledgment, they are left feeling helpless. Over time, this can erode their self-esteem and confidence, as they internalize the message that they are unworthy of attention or understanding. For instance, Drishya Menon, a Dubai-based homemaker recalls a particularly baffling trick that her friend would try: “She would never tell me what was wrong: She would just say, figure it out yourself.”

Cue nights of sleeplessness. You perform mental gymnastics, trying to run through all possible things that you could have done. “It can make you so ill, tired and exhausted,” explains Menon.

As Greene adds, the silent treatment, then, becomes a tool of emotional manipulation that not only isolates the person being ignored but also keeps them in a state of emotional limbo, where they feel powerless to change the situation. Instead of engaging in a healthy, open dialogue to resolve conflict, the person giving the silent treatment controls the narrative by making their silence the focal point, leaving the other person to navigate the emotional fallout on their own.

The safe space is fraught with anxiety and tension

Relationships, platonic or otherwise, need to be a safe, comforting and healing space, explains Sonia Maria, an Abu Dhabi based relationship coach and therapist. “When you refuse to engage with your partner in a meaningful way, you are denying the opportunity to be heard. This deliberate emotional withdrawal sends a powerful message that the other person's feelings, needs, and perspectives do not matter. It denies them the validation that is so crucial for maintaining emotional connection and trust,” explains Maria.

The psychological ramifications of stonewalling

The loneliness just consumes you.

Maria, from her own experiences with friends and partners, remembers the burning feelings of isolation and loneliness. The silence can be deafening. “The person is constantly plagued by thoughts of what went wrong, and what couldn’t be resolved. These feelings are terribly intense, as it’s not just physical isolation, it’s about the emotional abandonment that comes when someone you care about refuses to engage with you. Over time, this deepens, leading to a sense of being disconnected, invisible, or unloved, which fractures a person's sense of belonging,” she says. The person is overcome with anxiety, and later possibly depression, if the feelings are not addressed.

This sense of unpredictability can trigger generalised anxiety, where the person may become anxious about the relationship, constantly fearing the next emotional withdrawal. The anxiety might extend beyond the relationship, affecting other areas of their life as well, making it difficult to relax or feel at ease in any situation.

Maria recalls feeling particularly anxious around a particular friend, who would suddenly stop talking to her for no reason. “She wouldn’t even tell me clearly, why she was upset. I would spend days, just begging her to talk and sort it out. That feeling is emotionally exhausting, where you start questioning yourself entirely.” She remembers the physical feelings of the stonewalling: The tightening in the chest, and the perpetual headaches. “Really, communication is what can save a relationship,” notes Maria.

Nevertheless, she does note that many people withhold conversation after a disagreement, as a form of stepping back, or their own coping strategy. “But, if you notice that the other person is particularly disturbed by the fight and argument, you need to show some amount of compassion. Say something like, ‘Give me some time. We will talk about this when I can gather my thoughts’, or on those lines. End the silence with some words at least, so they’re not obsessively wondering and panicking,” she says.

How you can address an argument instead:

·  Use the 5-second rule: Press pause. Tell your partner that you need some time to think; you’ll return to the conversation, when you’ve cooled down.

· Try to stay calm: Yelling just escalates the argument. Try to remain composed.

· Stay focused: Stick to the issue at hand; don’t dredge up old issues.

· Take responsibility: If you’re at fault, admit it and apologise.

·Focus on solutions, rather than highlighting the problem.