Singer Ed Sheeran was plagued with suicidal thoughts after the death of his friends Jamal Edwards and Shane Warne within weeks of each other.
He was heartbroken by the February 2022 passing of music producer Jamal, the son of 'Loose Women' star Brenda Edwards, who died after a cardiac arrest and a month later death of his late cricketer pal Shane Warne aged 52 left him feeling like he was "drowning" in his life-long fight with depression, reports aceshowbiz.com.
In an interview with Rolling Stone, the dad-of-two - who has daughters Lyra, two, and 10 month old Jupiter with his 30-year-old wife Cherry Seaborn - also talked about how he developed an eating disorder as he compared himself to toned pop stars such as Justin Bieber.
He said, "My best friend died. And he shouldn't have done. I've always had real lows in my life. But it wasn't really till last year that I actually addressed it. I felt like I didn't want to live anymore. And I have had that throughout my life... you're under the waves drowning. You're just sort of in this thing. And you can't get out of it."
Sheeran added being depressed made him feel "selfish" as a father, and said about seeking help, "No one really talks about their feelings where I come from. People think it's weird getting a therapist in England...."
"I think it's very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting. The help isn't a button that is pressed, where you're automatically OK. It is something that will always be there and just has to be managed."
The pop star said he struggled with his body image after collaborating with the likes of Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber, and said he started "gorging" on food before vomiting it up. He added, "I'm self-conscious anyway, but you get into an industry where you're getting compared to every other pop star."
"And I was always like, 'Well, why am I so... fat?' So I found myself doing what Elton (John) talks about in his book - gorging, and then it would come up again. I have a real eating problem. I'm a real binge eater. I'm a binge-everything. But I'm now more of a binge exerciser, and a binge dad. And work, obviously."