I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman who’s pretty much self-sufficient when it comes to matters of money and looking after myself.
But, all that went out the window last Saturday when one of the scariest things that can happen to a millennial type (shudder — sorry, that word is hideous, but it gets the point across); NO INTERNET.
I got home late on Friday night with plans to eat fudge and watch Elf on Netflix in order to get into the festive spirit and start the process of not being able to fit into anything without a lot of stretch fabric in it, as is traditional at this time of year.
Instead, I got home to find my wifi had been cut off due to… erm… my flatmate and I forgetting to pay the bill.
I spent the evening desperately trying to steal my neighbours’ wifi (don’t judge me, you’ve all tried to guess people’s passwords in times of need) and turning the router off and on again in the hopes there had been some kind of mistake.
The next morning we paid the bill but, my flatmate warned me, we may not have wifi again until Monday. Cue mild panic.
Ok, not mild; quite severe panic, in fact.
My entire weekend’s plans involved lounging under a blanket watching Christmas films and New Girl. I know, I know, I live in a beautiful city and I should go and explore and make friends, blah blah blah, but, the reality is it’s really cold and drizzly and, when I’m not working, I just want to stay home and eat cheese toasties. I will never sit on my deathbed and wish I hadn’t eaten so many cheese toasties. No regrets.
So, a weekend of coffee-shop internet loomed. Because, obviously, a weekend without wifi isn’t feasible at all. How would I know what’s happening in the world or sneakily Google the definitions of words during conversations?
All morning, I kept staring at the wall due to a lack of imagination for anything else to do then, when a spark of inspiration would come, “I know! I’ll stream some music!” or “What is Luke Perry doing these days? I’ll Google it…”
I’d get a short-lived burst of excitement, then the comedown of realizing almost everything I spend my day doing revolves around having an internet connection.
I don’t even have a decent DVD collection, because everything is online. Instead, I spent Saturday morning sadly picking through the three DVDs we own and wondering if I would stoop as low as to watch Pump It Up, The Ultimate Dance Workout video as a form of entertainment. Had the internet not come back on around lunchtime, I suspect I would have watched it.
It’s a sad state of affairs when you can’t think of anything to do without staring at a screen. Obviously, as I type this, I am staring at a screen and have my phone sitting next to me and I’m making no efforts whatsoever to wean myself off anything.
So, I guess the takeaway is to always pay your wifi bills because otherwise, you’ll have to confront the fact you have no imagination or real hobbies, which is a bleak prospect indeed.
