Money can sabotage family relationships, even if it is not a lot of estate or inheritance. In fact, there are many daily situations where family members, if in disagreement about how to handle their finances, can reach a dead end.

Money disagreements do break up marriages and estrange family members, and to make sure that your family doesn’t end up in this situation, you must be aware of the roots that lead to such problems. These may include different views on money management as a result of coming from different backgrounds, children or spouses who were excluded from the decision making process but having to live with consequences that they are not aware of their triggers, and lack of communication regarding priorities for both the family and the individual.

With these points in mind, families of all sizes and backgrounds must put a conscious effort in ensuring that they pre-empt any financial crisis that might end up splitting their bonds. Here is how to handle each issue.

Background

Spouses who come from different financial statuses may find it hard to agree on common ground when it comes to spending and priorities. That is no one’s fault, it is just a matter of how their upbringing has shaped their personality and attitude regarding the need to be frugal — or not.

Although many may work out these issues without a problem, others may finding it difficult simply because each of them looks at their way as “normal,” which gives their approach more creditability than it really should. Like with everything else in life, there is almost not absolute right way to save or to spend. It is all based on reasonable preferences. That is why it is important for both parties to be open about these differences, express how they feel about them openly and try to reach a solution.

Even people who share the same background can grew different attitudes toward money as they go through life and accumulate experiences. For example, a person who has been through a tough financial situation like bankruptcy probably will be more cautious going forward compared to someone who managed to maintain financial stability. A past wrong decision can damage one’s trust and confidence, and it may take time for this person to recover.

Involvement

It is hard for people to understand tough decisions if they don’t know the circumstances around them. Whether it is a partner or an adult child, it is important to involve your family members in some of the major financial decisions to ensure that everyone is on board.

Many parent find this difficult, particularly if the situation isn’t all rosy. Although parents may like to keep some financial issues discreet, if your decision will affect other family members significantly, you owe them an explanation. By doing so, you will make sure that a tough decision isn’t blamed on you as a mean or stingy partner or parent.

In addition, having your family involved in financial decisions — good or bad — helps everyone develop a valuable experience that will certainly help them manage their own money when needed. In fact, this experience may strengthen your bond despite the circumstances that may involve some unpopular decisions.

Priorities

It is common to have the overall family priorities clash with individual goals. Save to renovate the kitchen or pay for a summer vacation? Pay for a younger sibling’s tuition or fund a car for the older? Some of these decisions may be straightforward common-sense calls, others may fall in the grey zone and require a balancing act.

Again that is where communication is a key factor. Recognise that priorities don’t match, but make the best decision on a case-by-case basis. To avoid reaching a crisis or developing grudges, make sure that everyone knows about the reasons for your decision. Many parents dread telling their children that they struggle financially. This knowledge, however, can help your children not only excuse you for things that can’t be bought or done, but also learn a valuable learn about how to survive even when money is tight.

Rania Oteify, a former Gulf News Business Features Editor, is a Seattle-based editor.