I am short tempered. I always fight with my parents and my close friends. I am not interested in studies because my parents didn't give much importance or care about it and they always want me to work somewhere. But now I am doing my graduation and also working as a sales executive.
I am least interested in my job, but need to retain my visa and stay in Abu Dhabi. My work nature is very bad and sometimes I work for 12 hours. I want to study but my dad's financial position doesn't help me to do so. I am working to earn for my studies. But, I don't want to be a salesman for the rest of my life.
Please advice.
Dr Balan Vijay Kumar replies: To cope with difficulties, we use various methods that can be adaptive (that help us solve problems and do well), and maladaptive (that worsen the problem).
For example, if you approach one of your teachers to discuss and plan your future, you are using an adaptive coping mechanism. On the other hand, if you are upset and go out for a drink or break your table in frustration, you are using a maladaptive coping mechanism.
Is your anger helping you to solve your problems? This is a habit that you have developed and it is possible to change this habit if you make a determined effort to use more adaptive methods to solve the underlying issues.
Fighting with your parents and friends may help you by temporarily releasing disturbing emotions, but it may not help you solve your problems. In fact, such quarrels may take away a lot of energy and leave you tired. On the other hand an adaptive strategy would be to become assertive with your parents and friends if the issue demands, that is, you could become firm on that specific issue, without being rude.
The question to ask is: am I doing something to make my problems worse? If you can focus your effort by using adaptive strategies, you will increase the chances of success.
Another adaptive strategy you need is to focus on building your skills to help you achieve your dreams of becoming a salesman. Yet another thing that will help is to focus on your current job that will you retain your visa and pursue your goals.
Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of psychologists and psychiatrists are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.
