Valentine’s Day 1999 — while staying in the mountains of Lebanon, my understanding of leadership and life changed. As strangers were feeding me what then seemed to be bizarre food, it dawned on me that leading was different there.

You may be asking, “How do you make the jump from food to leadership?”

Let me tell you a story that explains all.

At that time, I was finishing my doctoral studies in strategic leadership and had already become a “leadership junkie”. You might even say a “leadership nerd”. Everywhere I went and in whatever I did, I analysed and dissected how people led. This hobby of mine continues to this day.

Arriving in Lebanon late at night, I experienced what seemed like a party. I subsequently learnt it was just a typical Lebanese dinner that stretches until the wee hours of the morning. The next day, I found myself at another culinary experience: my first meze.

As we ate, my hosts taught me about their culture and food, but I realised I was also learning something entirely different. I was learning that leading is not the same all over the world.

The whole experience made me think about a doctoral seminar I had just completed in which we had discussed contingency theory — the idea that the optimal way to lead is dependent on the situation. If this was true from one organisation to another, how would it hold true from one country to another? I could not wait to share these thoughts with the chair of my doctoral committee.

By the time I got back to the US, I had fallen in love with Lebanon. Then, a few years later I fell in love in Lebanon and grew to love the whole region. It was at that point that I changed the focus of my studies to leading in the Arab world — a move that altered the course of my life.

As soon as I could relocate to the region full-time, I did, and as I set out to understand how to lead in the Middle East, a question stuck in my head: Is there one universally right way to lead or does it depend?

It depends.

It’s argued in leadership studies that there is no “one best way” to lead. I agree with that, but I am experienced enough to know that every situation does have a “best way and that is for the leadership style to be aligned with the situation. So, rather than saying, “This is how I lead. Take it or leave it,” ask yourself what style fits best the situation.

Don’t expect imported leadership to naturally work. Whether from one country to another or one company to another, leadership needs to fit. In the Middle East, the culture, the habits and the society are very different to those in Western countries.

That means the way to lead should be different as well. The same goes for all parts of the world. And for companies, each one requires a style that matches the situation.

My view of contingency in action comes from a rather unlikely source — the author Gary Chapman. He wrote “The Five Love Languages” to help couples express and experience love. Through his research he reduced love to five “languages” that include the words affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts.

The leadership nugget comes from the principle that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. As such, they should love in the way their partner wants to be loved. Just as your style of love should be contingent, so should your style of leadership.

Chapman’s overarching point is incredible when applied to leading. Following his hypothesis, instead of leading the way you want to be led, you should lead in the way the other person needs to be led — the way the situation demands.

To discover what style is right, observe what people respond to and what they complain about most often. After all, that’s what they are likely in need of.

Your leadership approach depends on the kind of environment that you’re dealing with. Different companies, different environments. And different times need different styles. Adapt yours.

The writer is a CEO coach and author of “Leadership Dubai Style”. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com