As we alighted from the taxi, the driver smiled and said, “Sorry sir, I hope I did not speak too much. Actually, not many customers like to talk.”

It had been a longish drive and my wife and I were now up to date on the state of Pakistan cricket, and had an interesting discourse on the different kinds of customers he encountered. His comments reminded me of the philosophical gem in Forrest Gump: “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get next.”

And it is no different in retail. You never know what kind of customer you are going to get next. Over the years I have realised that no matter how many sensitivity trainings you do with the sales staff, it is almost impossible to prepare them for all eventualities. Having said that, you can do some kinds of groupings:

* Mr Know-It-All

He has done his homework and often knows more about the product than the salesman serving him. Don’t argue with him, appreciate his knowledge and go with the flow. Of course, if you can impress him with superior knowledge, the closing becomes easier.

* Mr Do You Know Who I Am?

Puffed up and full of self-importance, this customer wants to be acknowledged and requires immediate attention. Work with his ego and he is an easy sell.

* The White Rabbit

Like the bunny in Alice in Wonderland, he is always in a big hurry. No patience or willingness to wait. It can be tricky handling these customers as other customers often feel offended to see out of turn attention. But the salesperson has to give the impression that he is fully engaged.

* The Nervous Nerd

Unsure of himself, he finds it very difficult to decide, constantly vacillating between options. He needs continuous reassurance on his choices with examples and stories right until the deal is closed.

* The BFG

Like the big friendly giant, wants everyone to like him. Will happily engage in banter and chatter, often for the sake of it. A communicative salesperson who can direct the conversation will make this dealing fun.

* The Guilty Pleasure

Shopping for pleasure, often for therapy, or maybe for something that he knows he does not need or cannot afford. Needs to be handled with sensitivity, tact and patience. The salesperson should not be in a hurry to close.

* The Hunter

Is out to make the kill. Will not buy anything unless he can convince himself that he has got the best deal and outwitted everyone else. Give him the feeling that he has won and he is a happy camper.

Of course, this list can go on and I am sure readers would be able to add their own classifications. But the journey does not finish here. The customer relationship continues and there is a whole different set of after-sales behaviours you could encounter.

* The Aggrieved One

These customers feel so let down that their favourite product or brand has a problem, they feel genuinely upset. “How can this happen... I thought I was buying the best there is and definitely did not expect it to break”.

These customers need to be reassured about the soundness of their initial choice with extremely prompt, courteous and professional responses. “We know such things happen, and we have a procedure for handling them quickly” is the message you want to give.

* The Angry Man

Some customers react to after sales problems with undisguised anger. They did not expect this unnecessary waste of time and effort. “This is not the first phone I have bought in my life. And I have never had this problem before. Do you think I do not know how to use a smart phone!” he raves. A cool and calm service agent needs to handle these customers with extreme care.

* The Story Teller

Some customers are just not truthful and make up stories.

Customer: “The machine my wife bought from you a few months ago has stopped working and I need a free replacement.”

Salesperson: “Can we have the bill number, can’t find the bill, can we know which shop you bought it from and when?”

Customer: “My wife bought it and I think it was from this store.”

Salesperson: “The name and phone number you gave us are not in our records... can we see the machine?

Customer: “How can I show you the machine, I asked the maid to throw it out when it stopped working!”

There are of course gentlemen and ladies who are a pleasure to serve, but the few toxic after-sales customers make the task challenging, even daunting. All the more underlining the need for a structured and efficiently managed system to handle customers personally and not merely as numbers.

Handling customers can be a pleasure and a pain. For sales people or aftersales agents, they need to know that they are always on the stage and unfortunately when you are on show, there is no space for personal problems. The show must go on.

With all this, keep sampling the chocolates. It is still one of the most satisfying jobs in the world!

— The writer is a senior executive with a large retail group. These are his personal views.