You can choose your friends but you can’t usually choose your boss. Some of us have the privilege of working for someone we like, respect and admire while others are not so fortunate. Yet, they still have to perform to their maximum ability and even in under circumstances that test their resilience.

Do any of these comments apply to you?

• ‘I resent the fact that my boss has the power to direct virtually all my activities.’

• ‘I don’t feel able to communicate with my immediate manager.’

• ‘I feel that my boss doesn’t trust me and is always looking over my shoulder.’

• ‘I am hesitant about disagreeing with my team leader or department head.’

• ‘Personally, I don’t think that my boss is really smart enough to hold a position of authority.’

Time and time again, I have clients telling me they struggle with managing their boss — whether male or female, it makes little difference, as both relationships can be equally as difficult to manage.

Jeremy is a 50-year-old head of procurement and a client of mine. He has been working in the hospitality industry for 20 years, is good at his job and recognises both his weaknesses and strengths. His department has been going through a period of change and when his old boss retired, Jeremy assumed he would be promoted. However, to his surprise and disappointment, a former colleague from another company was appointed in the position.

This situation can happen to any of us. Personal career expectations are not realised, yet our feelings of resentment have to be managed. Easy to say, but not so easy to do.

The reality is your boss has the power over your advancement and this can work extremely well if you have a good two-way working relationship. If not, then the relationship will be difficult to hold together. The old view was that we were expected to submit to authority without any question. In the 21st century workplace, the most successful people understand how to manage their bosses effectively.

Let’s look at some tried and tested ways, which may work for you if you find yourself in this position:

* Try to understand the position of your manager

You can’t necessarily change your boss’s style of behaviour and how they work, but it is within your control to try and understand it and adapt accordingly. You may still not like it but, unfortunately, you are not paid to be happy or to like your boss — you are paid ‘to do your job’.

* Have realistic expectations

Be pragmatic and accept that your boss is no different to anyone else in terms of idiosyncratic behaviours which you may not like. But you will need to accept and work with because nobody is perfect and others may not always live up to your expectations.

* Boundaries

Make sure these are agreed between the two of you, including standards required, targets, timescales, objectives and expected outputs. Make sure there is no room for misunderstanding or ambiguity.

* Communicate

Your boss may not be a great communicator so it may be up to you to be pro-active to make time to speak with him or her. Good communications can help build trust, respect and understanding. Managers are usually busy people with a set of responsibilities that may be far in excess of those that you have. So you must ensure you have clear objectives as to the required outcomes desired from your meetings.

Work will get easier when you start to learn how to better manage the boss. The key is to identify that which is outside of your control and working efficiently for those issues that are within it.

A good relationship between you and the boss is the foundation upon which the career can either succeed or fail. Don’t forget, just as your boss is accountable for managing you, you are responsible for managing relationships with both those above and those. Each level of management is interdependent upon the other.

Key points

* Learning to manage your boss is vital to your progress.

* Regular intercommunication is the key.

* We are all links in an interdependent chain.