I’ve never understood why people choose to pay somebody to help them do what they shouldn’t really need help to do. For example, why do you hire a trainer at the gym? If it’s to improve your form or to learn a technique, then it makes sense.
But, if it’s for motivation, that doesn’t make any sense at all.
Yet, it does happen and there it an upsetting reason as to why. When it comes to a person’s strengths, self-control typically isn’t one of them. When temptations arise, the ability to choose what you should do over what you want to do disappears.
That’s why people need an external catalyst — the trainer — to make it to the gym.
Actually, self-control is a character weakness ranking #24 out of the 24 strengths in the VIA Character Strength Survey, which is a free-to-take psychometrically validated personality test. The character strengths and virtues model that this survey is built upon is regarded as the backbone of positive psychology and remains one of the most substantive efforts in the study of character.
Sadly, it makes clear what we don’t want to admit: we’re not good at self-control.
Ask people to name their greatest strength and you’ll hear responses like honesty, kindness, humour, the fact that they’re likeable, and other virtues. But not self-control — that’s invariably found at the bottom of the list. And, if you ask the same people about their failings, a lack of self-control will (or should) be at the top.
Self-control is your capacity to override an impulse in order to respond appropriately: to choose what you should do over what you want to do. When you give in to the impulse of temptation, it interferes with your ability to accomplish. Skipping your morning workout because you stayed up late for binge watching on Netflix is a perfect example.
The need for self-control is greater today than ever given the proliferation of temptations. When I was a boy the only temptations that threatened to distract us from homework were three TV channels or playing outside. Yet, today the count seems to be unlimited. With a swipe across my phone, I have more distractions in my hand than existed in my whole life a few decades ago.
The two traits that consistently predict success are intelligence and self-control. Self-control is in your control and much more impactful. A study conducted by psychologists Angela Duckworth and Martin Seligman found that self-control was more than twice as important as intelligence in predicting students’ end-of-year grade point average (GPA) scores.
Self-control outdid IQ 2-to-1 in predicting academic achievement. It would reason that it’s the same in professional life.
Self-control, also known by the less popular term “discipline”, is a defining trait of CEO success. Study CEO habits and you’ll be quick to notice the self-control they exert and the disciplined structure of their lives. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is well known for dressing the same way each day as he once claimed it gives him “one less decision to make”.
Bill Gates is an advocate of good health and spends an hour on the treadmill, watching courses from the Teaching Company while doing so.
Scott Adams, the creator of the famed cartoon Dilbert, spends the first 20 minutes of the day the same way, every day. His creative hours are in the morning, so he builds his life and habits around that. In his home office, he enjoys a combo of a protein bars and coffee.
“I give myself this treat knowing I can be trained like any other animal,” he says. “And I want to train myself to enjoy waking up and being productive. [It totally works].”
Self-control is the practised ability to monitor and manage one’s emotions, motivation and behaviour in the absence of outside help. It acts like a muscle and can be built and trained.
Make the choice to take control. You can be in control of your appetites, your emotions, your reactions and your time. It does not have to be vice-versa.
There are a lot of things in your life that are out of your control, but self-control is not one of them.
The writer is a CEO coach and author of ‘Leadership Dubai Style’. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com.
