In last week’s column, I suggested that the best way to build a network is to ditch networking. A good network comes from being specific about who you want to meet and then adding value rather than jump from event to event.

Frankly, networking events are an absolute waste of time as you subject yourself to the probability of absolute chance.

Just last night, I attended a VIP networking event and my instinct proved correct again. From a traditional networking perspective, it was a waste of time. After not meeting anyone new, I left wondering “Why did I go?” Fortunately, I wasn’t there to collect cards or sniff out budget dollars. If I were, it would’ve been a total bust.

Last week’s column on networking generated lots of questions, specifically, “How can I add value when what I really want is to do business with them?”

To have a great network, you have to separate the idea of doing business from adding value and trust that business will eventually come when you add value. This concept is challenging for many people as they feel it’s too risky to give without the guarantee of the take.

Giving as the basis for getting, is one of the central tenets of Dubai’s success as I pointed out in my book “Leadership Dubai Style”. Actually, I argue Dubai’s strategy is to create an environment where others succeed. They’ve proven that when you give the environment, you’ll get when others succeed.

Since its earliest days, Dubai has — and continues — to build an environment where others succeed.

Success comes when you help others. Your value is derived when you give value.

When you go in to “do” business, you’re going in to take rather than give and this sets you up for a transaction, not a relationship. This means you’ll be competing merely on the merits of what you can offer — price, service, product — compared to what others can. But when you build a relationship, you’ll be in a position to really understand what is needed and able to differentiate from the market.

The best way to build a relationship is to add value. Here are two thoughts on how you can best do this: listen to what others say and give away before receiving.

I was fortunate to learn the value of listening early on in my career.

I was working for the chancellor of a university and had the privilege of picking up all of the major donors, politicians and visiting corporate leaders from the airport. I guess because I dressed well and had a decent car, I got what was perceived as an errand boy task. But I loved it as it gave me access to some of the world’s top leaders, many of whom to this day I’m in touch with.

Now, what value could I offer them? None!

That was until I realised that their sharing how they succeeded was actually me adding value to them. Value doesn’t only come from giving to someone. Value comes from caring enough to listen to what they say. It comes from learning from others.

A mentor of mine was the founder of Prudential Real Estate, which now has more than 1,400 offices and 47,000 agents, told me, “Always remember people want to help others succeed. So, let them!”

As a picture of giving away before receiving, one of my clients loves to tell the story of how our relationship developed. I had asked him to lunch and he was sure it was going to be a pitch for work, but still accepted my invitation.

During lunch we had a fantastic conversation, full of banter and exchanging ideas about his business. Later he told me that in the back of his mind, he kept waiting on the pitch. Come the end of lunch and given that I never made the pitch, he left surprised and intrigued.

Actually, I was, trying to add value, not to get but to give away.

A couple of months later, I invited him to lunch again. He was sure the pitch would come during this lunch. But again, it didn’t. I was simply there to add value.

This exchange of lunches continued over a year until finally, he actually made the pitch and suggested that we send a proposal to his company for a piece of work, which we did. This came from a relationship not a transaction.

The moral of the story: Giving is the best way to get. Add value as the way to build your network.

The writer is a CEO coach and author of “Leadership Dubai Style”. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com