'I behaved indifferently towards my mother'

New Delhi: For the past 18 years, doctor-turned-writer Taslima Nasreen has been living in exile. A Bangladeshi national, she began writing at the age of 15.

Her first book of poetry was published in 1986. Writing on women's oppression, Nasreen's strong language and uncompromising attitude against male domination stirred many people, eliciting both love and hatred from her readers.

In 1992, she received the prestigious literary award Ananda for her work Nirbachito Kolam (Selected Columns) from the government of West Bengal, thus becoming the first writer from Bangladesh to earn this award.

Living a modest life until then, Nasreen rose to instant global fame following the publication of her novel Lajja (Shame) in 1993. But she had to pay a price for it. Fundamentalists drove her out from her country. Lajja's story about a Hindu family persecuted by Muslims enraged some groups who offered a bounty for her death.

She had to spend ten years in exile in the West. Granted citizenship by the Swedish government, Nasreen took refuge in Germany.

In 2004, she was granted a temporary residential permit by India and moved to Kolkata, West Bengal, until 2007. Forced to leave the state a year later, she again went to Sweden, subsequently returning to India. She continues to stay in New Delhi.

She speaks to Gulf News in an exclusive interview.

GULF NEWS: What is it like to be a writer in exile?

TASLIMA NASREEN: In my case it is very difficult, as in no way it has been like life in exile that other writers have lived. Their situation changed when the government of the country changed and they could go back to their homeland. But in my case, the governments have not changed their decision. Living in exile is the same, wherever it is, but I wish to be among Bengalis.

Not only was I banished and blacklisted from Bangladesh, but when I took shelter in West Bengal, they too threw me out for no fault of mine. I have been outlawed and my books have been banned.

No newspaper publishes my articles. It's a desperate situation. When the fatwa was issued, it was a like a threat, but when publishers stopped publishing my opinion, it became a death threat.

Were you surprised that intellectuals did not raise their voices in your support when the function to launch your book Nirbason was cancelled in Kolkata recently?

I was surprised not only this time, but also when I was thrown out of the state in 2008. Everyone shut their mouth as had happened in Bangladesh when my books were banned. It was lack of courage on the part of the intellectuals.

Isn't it surprising that Nirbason was launched in Bangladesh?

It was done in a very informal way. Only one online newspaper mentioned about it. It means nothing. In fact, a few weeks ago, the police arrested the headmaster of a school because he had in his possession a copy of my banned book Lajja. So nothing has changed.

Shut out from Bangladesh for nearly two decades, what do you miss most about the country?

I miss the freedom to go there. As a human being I have the right to go where I feel and don't see why I should not be allowed. Those who are preventing me from visiting Bangladesh are doing so illegally.

Are you disappointed that the Chief Minister of West Bengal Mamata Banerjee has not worked towards paving the way for your return despite the fact that you are keen on returning to Kolkata?

I have approached her so many times, but she has never answered or done anything for my return. But now I know that she will never allow me to go to Kolkata. A friend of mine told me recently that people who issued a fatwa against me were seen with Mamata during the election campaign in the state.

As a feminist, how do you react to news reports on India being considered the fourth most dangerous place for women?

It is very unfortunate and alarming that India holds such a position. In the course of time, I have realised that people here do not have much idea about women's rights and cases of female foeticide, rape, dowry deaths, domestic violence and prostitution are on the rise.

Incidentally, these things are not happening among the illiterate, but also the educated class in urban India. Women are considered inferior but, surprisingly, despite that, I do not see any strong feminist movement in the country. I try to do whatever best I can through my writings and the social media, to change the situation of women here.

Is the Indian government supportive of your further stay here?

I am grateful to the Indian government for granting me permission to stay here. Even though I am a European citizen, I like to live in India. That's because I want to work towards women's issues and if I can help the society in any way, it will give meaning to my life.

Given a choice to re-live life, what would you do different?

Maybe not make the mistakes that I have made, but certainly not about my writings and thoughts. I am living in exile because of the irrational thinking and actions of others. Anything that I write, any woman should have. But I wish others had a better understanding, so that I would not have to suffer. I have not done anything wrong and I write what I feel on freedom, equality, rationalism, barbarism and secularism. I wish people in authority were sane. The insane have made my life hell.

What do you regret in life?

I regret that I did not look after my mother when she was suffering and died of cancer. I did not take her illness seriously and behaved towards her indifferently like my father, because maybe he influenced me.

He did not love her and ignored her, but she never expected this out of me. She was very oppressed and I was writing numerous articles and books on women's oppression, without realising my duty towards her.

I very much regret that when I was studying medicine, she stood by me, but when it was time for me to look after her I did nothing for her treatment. As a doctor, I treated and helped patients who came to me, but in the case of my mother, I neglected her.

Even though I did not know that she had cancer, I wish I had got her diagnosed earlier. I feel bad that I did not show my love to her during her lifetime. I have cried a lot ever since her death.