Holding onto a grudge: Slow poisoning yourself?

NAT_190319-SC-Anger-2-(Read-Only) — Young man shouting with negative facial expression. Image Credit: Supplied

Someone backstabbed you and all you can do is think about it. You focus all your brainpower on the issue and actively send bad vibes towards them. But the truth is, they are probably living their life oblivious while you hold onto that grudge. How does that affect people? Gulf News readers discuss

Act on it

It can have negative effects in the long run

Try to do something about it. Others can’t read minds so they may not know why you are hurt, hence your grudge hurts you and not them. Talk to the person and tell them why you are hurt. Get their reason behind their action. It helps to get it off your chest.

If you can’t communicate with the person and fix the situation, try to distract yourself. Get your head off the topic for a bit and revisit it later. If it is still hurting, talk about it to non-judgmental friend, try to pinpoint exactly what causes you to be so angry. Analyze your reaction and when you have figured out why you have reacted to the other person in this way, give yourself what you need.

Can’t fix it. Let it go. Distraction, talk about it to a non-judgemental mental friend, try to figure out why it causes you to be so angry. Analyse your reaction and give yourself what you need.

Holding a grudge hurts. We go around and around in our heads about what the other person has done to us. Every time we think about it causes us pain again.

From Ms Christina Burmeister

Clinical counsellor based in Dubai

Weighs down

Bitterness increases stress

In my opinion holding a grudge, will affect the person more than the other person, because it will be negative feelings and hatred in their heart and that is not healthy and will gradually weigh them down.

It’s also good to think in the other person shows before jumping to assumptions to why this person acted in a particular way, sometimes we need to challenge our own fixed beliefs for our own peace of mind and be better critical thinkers.

Bitterness and anger can case high level of stress and also increase heart rates in the long run, and in my opinion that is not worth it at all, however I don’t mean they have to be like how they were but to set a firm boundary which would be fair on both ends.

In another perspective, it also may ruin relationships with the third parties as the seating may not be comfortable any more as there are negative vibes everywhere and discomfort.

From Ms Raya Khalid

Operations manager based in Dubai

Be realistic

Try to confront the person to relief yourself

It is definitely not realistic if I say let it go as soon as negative thoughts about someone come up if they have done you a disservice. As humans with complex emotions and the ability to remember and learn from past mistakes, this might not be entirely possible. However, what we can do is deal with situations like this in a constructive way.

If something bothering you from a while and eating at your mind, don’t give the person who possibly hurt you that. Instead, confront them and give yourself closure

I can see how not doing this will lead to holding onto a grudge for a long time that can weigh people down. It will be like slow poising until it develops into a bigger issue, like bitterness, anger or even depression. Next time someone bothers you, evaluate it and if necessary, confront the person as soon as possible.

From Mr Hassan Ahmad

Business consultant based in Sharjah