Spam may be a pain but do mail me again

The spam filter on my e-mail system turns away about 97 per cent of junk messages, which is perfect for my world.

If the filter blocked all the mass mailings, I would feel isolated from one of the most vibrant sectors of the cyber-universe.

Of late, I have been receiving quite a few unsolicited messages. “Wholesale prices on printer ink and toner'' is a typical come-on. So is “Never have a slow PC again''.

I never open these messages just in case they're harbouring some awful computer virus that will erase the hard drive, melt the telephone lines and wire the money in my checking account to a secret vault in the Canary Islands.

Tempting times

There's one message, however, that almost has me reeled in. So far I've been able to resist but it keeps coming about once every three weeks.

It promotes an item that has always intrigued me. The keywords in the subject line are “Imitation Rolex.''

If the line read “Fake Rolex'', I wouldn't be interested because “fake'' sounds tawdry. That's not my style.

The word “imitation'' contains at least a hint of respectability.
The temptation is intense at times.

If I threw caution to the wind and gained possession of an imitation Rolex, would my future be affected?

The dilemma of this scenario is simple: Anyone who decides to wear an imitation Rolex is hoping that onlookers will draw a particular conclusion.

Two things need to happen. (A) you must make sure people can clearly see what's on your wrist, and (B) hope they don't ask awkward questions.

I can picture myself stopped at an intersection with my left arm dangling out the window, twisting my wrist so the sunlight reflects off the watch. The sparkle catches the attention of a TV starlet in the crosswalk.

“Well look here,'' she says, veering over to get a better view. “That's a nice watch.'' She leans close and adds, “But tell me — why is a guy wearing a fancy Rolex driving around in a 1991 Ford Ranger with bald tyres?''

What this means for me is that “imitation'' is an all-or-nothing proposition.

I need to resist the watch until I can augment it with an imitation BMW, imitation Armani wardrobe and the all-important imitation second home in Telluride, Colorado. Maybe those offers are on the way. I'll keep checking my e-mail.