Back to school 2021: How to help your child deal with separation anxiety

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN: Heading to school, especially for first-timers, is a tough ask. Suddenly, the primary caregivers are not around and they must mingle with a whole bunch of strangers. Add to this, they haven’t yet understood that when you drop them off, it doesn’t mean you’ll never see them again. United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef) explains that separation anxiety is most common between the ages of six months and three years.

TELLTALE SIGNS: Is your child suffering from separation anxiety? Look for lots of tears and clinging at daycare drop off; clinginess in new situations (primarily from 6 months to 3 years); refusing to go to sleep without you or another caregiver nearby; and suddenly beginning to cry at night despite being able to sleep through the night. Unicef offers these tips to help overcome the situation.

TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL DO TOGETHER LATER: Part of what makes children anxious when you part is the fear that they might not see you again. Discussing plans for your return helps to ease this fear: “After I’m finished with work, I’ll come and pick you up and we can go to the playground and play on the swings together.”

PRACTICE SHORT SEPARATIONS AND WORK TOWARD LONGER ONES: Try leaving your child with a trusted friend or relative while you run a quick errand and see how that goes. This will allow your little one to slowly get used to what it’s like to be apart.

LEAVE A SOFT TOY OR BLANKET WITH YOUR CHILD TO HELP EASE SEPARATIONS: Does your child have a favourite comfort object? If not, it might be a good idea to introduce one. A special toy can help a child to self-soothe when they are feeling upset.

COMFORT YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY ARE AFRAID: When you and your child are together, listen to what they have to say. Make sure to always respond with understanding and compassion and take care not to trivialise their worries. Look for non-verbal cues as well, such as fussing or extra clinginess.

INTRODUCE ANY NEW CAREGIVER GRADUALLY: If you are about to introduce a new babysitter, arrange some short get-togethers with the three of you before leaving your child alone with him or her. This way, when the time comes that you have to leave your child with them for a period of time, they won’t be a stranger anymore.

MAKE GOODBYES QUICK AND POSITIVE: Saying goodbye isn’t just difficult for your child – it’s hard for you, too. Try as best as you can to remain calm and positive when saying goodbye. Smile, tell your child you will see them soon and do not prolong leaving. Maintaining this routine will help your little one get used to drop offs and will reassure them that you will always come back.