2020 in review: This year in pandemic parenting

COVID-19 has affected everyone’s lives, but it is perhaps parents whose worlds were rocked the most by the novel coronavirus. With schools and nurseries closed, mums and dads were promoted to makeshift teachers overnight, forcing them to juggle home-learning duties with their own sudden work-from-home status, on top of the manifold domestic tasks involved in raising a family.

Meanwhile for couples who were just starting a family, all pregnancy dreams and plans flew out of the window, as maternity wards tightened restrictions, grandparents-to-be cancelled flights, baby showers and antenatal classes went virtual, and pregnant women were classed as vulnerable and advised to self-isolate at all times. Thousands of families struggled on reduced or lost incomes, dealt with sickness at home or abroad, and worried about or grieved the loss of loved ones from afar.

But, in other ways, families have also thrived more than ever in the new normal. Slung together, with no outside distractions, parents and children bonded and got to know each other better than ever before. Business travel halted and the office realm merged with the domestic, leading to more-present mothers and fathers who suddenly had time to pause and get to know a whole different side of their kids, without the usual rushing, nagging and pressure always to do more. Here, we gather insights and anecdotes from parenting experts and families across the UAE as they navigated an unprecedented crisis…

THE MOMENT SCHOOLS SHIFTED ONLINE: The most disruptive aspect of the pandemic and lockdown for parents was undoubtedly the overnight transformation into classroom teachers, as schools and nurseries shut and online learning came into effect across the world. “As a parent, the defining moment of 2020 was being told that school was to stay closed for the foreseeable future,” says Dubai-based positive psychology coach and mum of two (ages 4 and 7) Sarah Babiker (Alifeyouchose.com). “Having the kids home 24/7 meant that my business would have to slow down, the house would be a mess most of the time, and me-time as I knew it would all but disappear.” As someone who works predominantly with parents, this was also the most significant aspect of 2020 for her clients. “Very quickly, parents have had to make extremely impactful choices without much time at all to reflect. A lot of parents have adapted by making sacrifices in their careers, in their financial world, and in their children’s educational system. 2020 has also brought with it a sort of amplified parenting world that has been really intense for a lot of my clients.”

THE HOME LEARNING JUGGLE: Karishma Whabi, a Dubai-based Indian mum of five-year-old twins (@notjustamommydxb), has still not been able to send her kids back to physical schooling. She says that home learning has actually got harder with time rather than easier. “Homeschooling the kids in March was a lot easier than it was starting their new term in September,” says Karishma. “Imagine starting your new school year online without being able to meet your teachers or your school friends.” The most difficult part was having both the kids in different classes at the same time, she says. “Initially I was literally running from one room to another trying to help them with their log in and class work. But over time I've made them more independent. We started to organize for the classes the previous night too.” Karishma says it has made her improve her planning skills dramatically, but it has been a significant sacrifice. “Having to multitask home, schooling and work has surely not been easy. I've had to prioritize the kids during the mornings and the rest of the day is for my work.”

WORKING (AND PARENTING) FROM HOME: The requirement and then ability to work from home has been a double-edged sword for parents like Namita Tandon, a Dubai-based mother of two boys (6 and 9) from India who works for an industrial automation company. “Honestly, I hate working from home - more so when my kids are around,” she says. “There seems to be no work- life balance. Even though I spend more time at my desk when WFH, less work seems to get done. I also miss being able to just switch off from work - the demarcation is all blurred now. As the mother of school-aged children, Namita has also had to juggle her own work with supervising her sons’ homeschooling, which she says has been very stressful. “And the mum guilt weighs too heavily with home-learning as well - when their school work is not completed, or they are just spending endless hours idling away time or in front of a screen as I just need to get my own work done and can’t afford the time to focus on them.”

FOR SOME, MUM GUILT GOT CLOSER TO HOME (LITERALLY): Another mother who has dealt with mummy guilt is Polly Williams, British, Managing Director of TishTash Public Relations (@tishtashtalks), who says that her year in parenting can be summed up by this anecdote: “I was due to go on a radio show during lockdown and my 3-year-old burst into the room wearing googles and a swimsuit asking for me to take her swimming. I didn’t know what to do in that moment as the producer counted me down to go live, and I couldn’t get my daughter to stop talking! It sums up the year so far in many ways, the difficult dichotomy of motherhood and having a full time job, which has been exacerbated through lockdown and 2020 in general.” While there have been some really wonderful things about being at home more, the working-mum guilt has never really gone away for Polly. “When I’m working I wish I could be with them (especially when you hear screaming and crying coming from downstairs.) And when they are distracting and needing something during a busy work day it can be difficult to take time to give them what they need.”

WHILE FOR OTHERS, THE FANTASY OF FLEXIBLE WORK FINALLY BECAME REAL: While some may have struggled with the blurring of boundaries between work and home, many parents have found the flexibility that comes with working from home to be a huge benefit, and the revolution in working practices has transformed their quality of life. Lora Jayne, a Dubai-based marketing and brands specialist from the UK and mum to Leo, aged 2, says, “The ability to work from home has changed my life for the better in so many ways. I’ve loved it in terms of having the flexibility, being able to plan my day how I want it, and being able to see Leo actually grow up and not feel guilty for missing out on anything. “Although I think you can get a bit of cabin fever and a bit of social anxiety if you are inside alone for extended periods of time, I do think the positives outweigh the negatives. And in terms of work, it hasn’t affected my working output at all. I think I’ve worked harder if anything.”

SCREEN TIME BECAME ITS OWN PANDEMIC: Having been demonized for years, suddenly children’s entire worlds shifted online, and screens were no longer the enemy but a crucial necessity. Parenting expert Anya Kamenetz, author of the book ‘The Art of Screen Time’ wrote an article in the New York Times apologizing for her previously out-of-touch advice on setting screen time limits, which it took a lockdown and pandemic for her to realise “was a fat, honking wad of privilege speaking”. While screen time addiction has been touted as the next pandemic by psychologists at The Priory Dubai because of children’s unprecedented reliance on digital technology, experts like Kamenetz now focus on distinguishing between and labelling different types of screen time, and trying to focus on those that involve education and connection with others – for many kids, gaming online with their friends has been the main source of socializing for them for almost a whole year.

GROCERY DELIVERIES BECAME AN EMERGENCY SERVICE: During the darkest days of lockdown, when permits were required for essential trips outside only, grocery delivery services became front-liners in the COVID battle. It was a steep learning curve for founder of Kibsons, Halima Jumani, whose three children (aged 13, 19 and 20) all rolled up their sleeves to help their family business rise to the challenge of these unforeseen circumstances. “The lockdown pushed us to be at the forefront of emergency grocery delivery service in town,” says Halima. “Food security and delivery became a responsibility. We had to navigate through the uncertainty with decisions that were conscious choices we could be proud of. To not take advantage of our customers. To support as many SMEs in town as we possibly could. To do the right thing by our employees and our customers.”

PREGNANT WOMEN WERE CLASSED AS VULNERABLE: The pandemic has been a hard time to be pregnant, says Dr Britt Clausson, a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist (@Drbrittatgenesis / @genesis_dubai). “In the beginning of the pandemic we were told that it didn't seem like there was an excess risk to pregnant women, which always seemed counter-intuitive to me. The updated information suggests there is an increased risk of bad outcome due to COVID in pregnant women, so today we discuss prevention strategies with pregnant women. They really need to be careful.” Dr Britt has also had to reassess the risk to herself. “I have started using a visor much more frequently for normal deliveries - whereas I used to sort of just accept that being accidentally spat on by a pushing woman was part of the job. I'm more aware, more cautious.” Dr Britt has already taken the COVID vaccine: “My hope for 2021 is that we get a good uptake of the vaccine in all who are eligible, so we get a good level of protective immunity around pregnant women.”

AT ONE POINT, WOMEN WERE HAVING TO GIVE BIRTH ALONE: Dr Deemah Salem is an OB/GYN at Genesis Clinic in Dubai and says that her job changed dramatically when the restrictions were tightest at the hospitals. “For a period of time, not even husbands were allowed in the operating theatre for caesarean sections. And many patients who had kids at home with no nannies and had no family because of lockdown had to deliver without their spouses. Many times, I was not only the obstetrician delivering the baby, but also the partner, the photographer and the support person for my patient during the delivery. We had many Zoom deliveries for spouses trying to "attend" the deliveries. This was extremely hard, and many tears were shed due to feeling isolated and lonely. 2020 has made me appreciate how crucial it is for patients to be able to have their spouses and family members with them during childbirth."

THE ANXIETY OF THE UNKNOWN: Selina Schoeman, British, gave birth to her third child in the thick of the pandemic in Dubai: “The hardest aspect was the fear of what might happen,” she says. “As we scoured the news and monitored the rising numbers, we didn’t know if a major outbreak would happen here, as it had in other countries. I was most frightened by the possibility that I’d have to be separated from my baby after birth if I contracted COVID-19 or tested positive for the virus. The rules were forever changing and we didn’t know what the situation would be by the time it came to our turn.” As it turned out, Selina says she thinks they were very fortunate to be in Dubai for the birth: “The impact of the pandemic on my birth was fairly minor. The main difference this time was that no visitors were allowed. We would have loved to bring the children to the hospital to meet their baby sister for the first time.”

THE NEW-MUM COMMUNITY WAS CUT OFF FROM EACHOTHER: They say it takes a village to raise a child, but suddenly the UAE ‘village’ may as well have been a universe. Many of the things new mums look forward to – coffee mornings, socializing with other pregnant women and new parents, bonding during antenatal classes – were stopped. It was very isolating for many families, says US expat Amy Vogelaar, a lactation consultant, antenatal and parent educator at Love Parenting UAE (@loveparentinguae), who had to celebrate her own milestone birthday with just an intimate gathering of her immediate family (pictured). “Overall mums have been very resilient, with some facing huge challenges like having to give birth and raise their newborn alone while their partners were stuck in other countries. But they have all expressed the loss of social opportunities from face-to-face antenatal classes and coffee mornings, and most express being pretty fed up with Zoom (as are we, the instructors). But on the other hand having the option to meet and teach online has been a blessing--what would we have done if this happened a few decades ago?”

VIRTUAL FITNESS BECAME A BIG THING (AND STILL IS FOR SOME): With gyms shut down and everyone restricted to their homes, public exercise and group fitness stopped being an option during lockdown. While it’s now gone back to normal for many, this is often not the case for pregnant women or mums with young babies, who are considered high risk when it comes to coronavirus. Michelle Farrell is the founder of prenatal and postnatal fitness experts ReBalance Dubai (@rebalance_me_now). She says that the online classes were a lifeline for pregnant women and new mums who were feeling isolated and lacking in motivation to exercise at home. “As soon as the gyms closed, we got straight onto Zoom. We thought it was very important to keep things up for our mums. Prenatally you just shouldn’t stop exercising during pregnancy ever. Postnatally, we wanted to help keep mums’ spirits up, and so many of our clients said we really helped to keep their sanity intact over the lockdown period.” With pregnant women still classed as vulnerable to the virus, ReBalance continues to offer a full timetable of Zoom prenatal and postnatal exercise classes online.

EVEN CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAY PARTIES GOT THE ZOOM TREATMENT: Is there anything sadder than an excited child whose birthday party just got cancelled? Shonali Lihala of children’s play specialists Katie Jane Dubai didn’t want to find out, so she made sure the party show could still go on with one of this year’s quirkiest parenting trends: Virtual Birthday Parties. “I was reading about how children were missing out on celebrating their birthdays and thought about it while I was on a group video call with family,” says Shonali. “A birthday is such a special event for a child and each one is so precious. I was excited to plan how to run games and music on zoom and the idea of a virtual birthday party was born!” The parties were especially good for expats as not only friends in the UAE, but also grandparents and other family from all over the world could join in.

THERE WAS A BURST OF CREATIVITY FOR MUMPRENEURS: Through the drizzle of job losses and financial struggle emerged a rainbow of creativity from parents who started up new businesses during the lockdown. UK expat Kate Burford is one example, who started making eco-friendly cotton face masks in fun, child-friendly designs purely to enable her three-year-old to play outside in her community. But she had no idea how this little spare-time hobby – which she named Molly & Me concept (after her daughter) – would take off. By September she had sold 30,000 masks and was employing eight people who had lost their jobs to COVID. She says she is just part of a bigger trend: “So many mums have started a business during COVID,” says Kate. From boutique jewellery makers to children’s clothing designers, and pandemic-related accessories, you can now find these budding mum-owned businesses at Ripe Market and other artisan retail spots across the UAE. “COVID has been devastating, but the way it broke the routine of our daily lives has been used as an opportunity to turn a hobby into something bigger for many mums,” says Kate.

COMPASSION CAME TO THE FOREFRONT: The global economic fallout of COVID put many families across the world into hardship. British expat and mother of three Heather Harries started up kindness initiative Stop and Help at the beginning of lockdown. “I set up a Facebook page where people could ask for help and others who were able could respond, and it just grew dramatically,” she says. “I think its popularity shows that supporting others who are doing worse than you can be empowering and help put into perspective that things are not really that bad.” She says that during the lockdown there has been an increase globally in people’s drive to be philanthropic: “I have always held the belief that everyone wants to be kind, the only thing that holds them back is finding a suitable recipient and all of a sudden there were so many people in such great need that being kind to others was made very much easier. Through Stop and Help, we were able to simplify that process even further by sharing details of families in need so it really has been as simple as sending an online grocery order directly with a few clicks of a mouse.”

OUR HOMES BECAME OUR SANCTUARIES: One huge global trend during the peak of lockdown was the family doorstep photo: often taken wearing face masks, it was a way of capturing this unique time in every family’s history. Wendy Mayo of Deun Photography (@deunphotography) pioneered the trend in the UAE, venturing out as soon as restrictions were eased to photograph hundreds of families on their front doorsteps – initially done for free (she encouraged a donation to a recognised charity) as a way of rebuilding community spirit during such a trying time. “We have found that families, having spent so much more time together and in their homes, really feel connected to their spaces, grateful to have a safe place to be and perhaps having a bit more time to rediscover some traditions from home like making dishes from home countries, introducing their children to games they used to play as children, even taking up hobbies they have always wanted more time for.”

NESTING BECAME THE NEW GOING OUT: Along with the new emphasis on all things home-based came an urge to upgrade and refresh our living spaces. Above-ground swimming pools got a huge boost in business as parents searched for pandemic-proofed ways to keep kids entertained and cool over the hot UAE summer, and interior design companies were more in demand than ever. “I have to have a little chuckle when I think of how we all thought the juggle was a struggle before – clearly we had no idea how crazy things could actually be," says South African expat mum Kathryn Hawkes of interior design consulting service House of Hawkes and co-founder of interiors retailer Fronteriors. Juggling her two, suddenly very busy businesses with her children's home learning was a huge challenge, says Kathryn. "There were days when I just didn’t know where or how I would find the bandwidth to manage it all." However, overall lockdown had a positive impact on her business: "It’s safe to say that the term ‘nesting’ is no longer reserved for expectant mums."

FAMILIES MOVED TO NEW KINDS OF SPACES: The restrictions led to many people reassessing where they want to live, says Harry Tregoning, dad of two and founder of Tregoning Property (www.tregoning.property). “Like so many aspects of life housing has been affected hugely by COVID,” he says. Those in small urban spaces had to get creative to find ways to exercise the way they would normally: “I spoke to one man who ran 100km in car parks in Downtown, another lady who made her children run up and down the fire escapes and another lady who walked her dog up and down the balcony for hours.” The villa market has really boomed in Dubai, says Harry, as families move from apartments to bigger houses with private gardens. “People are looking for space to exercise and villas with private pools are in even higher demand. As rent renewals keep going through this trend is continuing. In some areas prices have bucked the trend and increased.”

NORMAL CHILDHOOD COUGHS AND COLDS WENT DOWN: One of the most unlikely-seeming outcomes of the pandemic was that children’s regular childhood sicknesses seemed to reduce – no doubt due to the lockdown and the safety measures in place. Parents noticed that their usually sniffly kids were ailment-free for months on end. “We have all got used to consultations with masks on and have seen a lot less coughs and colds and other viral infections as a result,” says Dr Fiona Rennie, Family Medicine Specialist at Genesis in Dubai. “I expect masks will be common place for a long time to come.” Nevertheless, Dr Rennie has also noticed that the pandemic has had a big impact on parents’ and children’s mental health – she says that 30-40% of her patients are now seeing her for mental health reasons, which is a far greater number than before.

PARENTS FELT A LACK OF CONTROL – AND THEN RELAXED INTO IT: Joanne Jewell (joanne_mindfulparenting), from the UK, is a Parent and Couples consultant at Mindful Me, (mindfulme_dubai), and says that many parents have struggled with the juggling of work and home life, realising that they aren’t able to control everything in their lives. “This has been a revelation and for a lot of parents the journey to letting go of things they can’t control and focusing on what they can control has released a huge amount of anxiety and fear - of both the future and the past. Letting go of things outside our control isn’t always easy (and it takes regular practice) but it brings a huge amount of peace and calmness with it and it’s been a privilege to support parents on this journey, particularly this year.”

MANY FOUND A NEW PARENTING PERSPECTIVE: Lily Kandalaft, Jordanian, Founder of Malaak Mama & Baby Care (@malaakbabycare), says that 2020 is summed up for her as a parent by “the realization that we have no control over this crazy situation and we just need to ride the wave.” As someone who always loves to plan ahead, she says it was both a shock and a lesson. “It was a great learning to just be present in the now, enjoy it and take it day by day. The greatest challenge has actually been keeping that ‘slowness’ and focused time with my family since things have opened up again and we have gone back to our crazy Pre-COVID schedules. During lockdown I got a taste of a more balanced work/life and I am trying to keep that going post COVID.”

WE GOT FRESH INSIGHT INTO OUR CHILDREN: Home schooling may be challenging, but for British expat Laetitia Tregoning (@thisistish_), mother of Charlie (7) and Eddie ( 2) and founder of Story Public Relations (@story_public_relations), the flipside was that It gave her a new way of accessing her children's inner worlds: "As a parent, the defining moment of 2020 for me was getting an insight, via homeschooling, of what my elder son does, thinks and knows. It was amazing to spend so much time with him and work on the projects we wouldn’t have done otherwise; it was such an insight into how he thinks, how he tackles school work and where his passions lie. It was a level of engagement you simply don’t get through homework or just talking to him about his day. With my younger son it was also education-led. When nursery stopped, he was lost, searching for the interaction and the activities he so loved there. He was so little, but it made me realise that sending him to nursery young was a really good thing and that he was getting so much out of it."

WE GREW CLOSER AS FAMILIES: Natasha Bajaj, a designer at clothes label Nats and Jun (@nattsyb, @Nats Jun, Natsandjun.com) says that she had to work hard to keep her cool both personally as the mum of a five-year old and professionally as a mumpreneur. “As a mum it tested my patience to the hilt and forced me to find strength I thought I didn't have. I was wearing multiple hats, from colleague to cook, cleaner to counsellor for family, friends and loved ones . As a professional I constantly had to think out of the box to keep the business afloat and not get affected by the cuts and turns on the way.” However, one very unexpected bonus was her own mother getting stuck in the country with her when the flight restrictions happened. “I left home when I was 18 to study abroad and haven't spent more than three months at a stretch at home with her since, but having my own mum around and watching my son grown beautifully with her was the best thing ever, it is by far the best thing that happened to us.”

WE ALL FOUND OUR OWN SILVER LININGS: Julia Spencer (@juliamspencer) is the mother of Olivia (3) & Sophie (2). She says that her family managed to find some interesting silver linings to this difficult year, with the lack of FOMO (fear of missing out) being one of the greatest. “It would be naive to say that nothing good has come out of 2020 and COVID. While yes there have been so many struggles and challenging circumstances to so many, but I found a lot of good come out of the situation, at least in my day to day life. My husband who would typically be in the office late, or travelling was suddenly home all the time, and able to help with the kids bath-time and bedtime - a blessing for us, and for him, time that he would normally be missing out on. But the biggest thing for me was the guilt that I often felt pre-COVID of not going out all the time or taking my children out all the time to do activities suddenly disappeared as there was no longer any expectations to go anywhere! Suddenly I didn't feel bad that I was just letting the kids play in the garden, instead of taking them out to the latest and greatest play area in Dubai.”