If they can, why can't you?

This urge to compare is something we constantly come up against in this competitive world, which is still running at a mad pace despite the recession.

I was trying to figure out what could have led us to these dire straits and looking around to see if the crisis has done anyone any good.

It was perhaps the comparison with my neighbour's kid who always topped the class while I managed to crawl past the red line that pushed me to fare better in academics. Comparisons are the perfect old-school method to help you get that push to forge ahead. But we need to snap out of this habit as we are living in a society teeming with victims of comparison.

Comparison is a crime and can leave some people utterly demoralised.

A friend who resigned her high-profile job last year is now finding it difficult to find an appropriate break. Her dad asked her why she can't find a job when so many people are managing to get one. He was almost blaming the recession on her. She feels doomed as this actually came when the father figure was expected to stand strong by her side, much less point a finger.

The most miserable comparison I have heard about was when a cousin recently called after a heart-breaking interview. The HR manager asked him rudely why he wanted a higher pay, especially when the market was full of unemployed wannabes. How do you tackle a comparison like this, especially at an interview? I could only console him saying that it was good that he did not get into the company that could ruin his self-esteem.

Then there is the story of the college student who asked for a mobile phone. His parents snapped back saying they never got one at that age. A mobile is not a big deal today, but everyone is downsizing, even families that are well-off are looking at cheaper alternatives to meet expenses. So it was very convenient for them to excuse themselves citing old days. This comparison is less troublesome than the HR manager's response because the perpetrators happen to be the immediate family members.

Another friend has a weird problem born out of comparison. His wife compares his salary with others'. He is a sales executive fighting a dull market where no one wants to spend. His boss passes down the higher management's stock reprimands for non-performance - if other companies are still making profit, how come we are not? There is nothing more you can do other than nod in understanding when we hear such painful accusations.

If you keep the recession aside and look at advertisements you have been seeing all along, you will notice that the world actually runs on the comparative phenomenon. He wears that perfume and has all the hot chicks running after him. His shirt is whiter because he uses that brand of detergent. He gets promoted because he drives that car. She got famous because she uses that hair colour. I could not help wonder at the m-ad world.

Introspective comparison of one's own experiences, performances and abilities are the best way to go about when comparisons become inevitable. This exercise not only encourages a phoenix-like redemption but also does away with the meanness of envy and jealousy that rises from looking elsewhere for comparisons. The slowdown should only help us look deep within ourselves and see what we truly hold.

Maybe we could tell Obama to inspire by comparing America with its glorious past than scare the wits out of the new generation by threatening them with the competition at hand and the prospect of Asia taking over or, for that matter, the rest of the world.