Parenting is a challenging job but it can be a very fulfilling experience. My upbringing made me independent. I am the first child in a traditional Indian family and I led a relatively secure yet confused life because four adults - my mother, father, grandfather and grandmother - were completely different personalities. They all had firm views on how I should grow up. After initial attempts to please them, I eventually learnt that it was my life and that I had to take charge of it. My views on parenting were formed then.
Never label a child for life. One incident that still stays in my mind happened when I was six years old. I had picked up some coins from my father's table without his permission. I knew what I had done was wrong but did not think that it was very serious. My father, when he was made aware of what I had done, was extremely understanding.
He lovingly explained to me that this kind of behaviour could lead to criminal tendencies in the future. He explained the value of integrity in such simple terms that I grasped it immediately. I felt grateful to him for handling the whole situation in a mature manner without labelling me a thief. Looking back as a regression therapist, I know how detrimental these kind of labels could have been to me.
The roots of our illnesses lie in our subconscious. This is something I discovered when I learnt that the reason for some of my illnesses that defied cure were actually psychosomatic. This led me to explore the subconscious mind in greater depth.
I took courses in hypnotherapy, practised it and later taught it to people who were keen to transform their lives. Today, this knowledge helps me tackle problems that my teenage children - two sons and two daughters - have with ease.
We need to programme our minds to have positive thoughts. The minds of children are particularly susceptible to parents' comments. It can affect their subconscious mind deeply. If you have brought up a child giving him positive feedback, appreciation, acknowledgements and understanding, his sense of self-worth could give him a great level of confidence to face the world. But that is easier said than done. In order to make your child feel good, you ought to first feel good about yourself.
We are all innately positive within. When we do not follow our true calling in life, negative thoughts grip us. When we are in sync with our inner world, it's like being on a boat on a flowing river - we do not stagnate.
We need to nurture and strengthen the parent-child bond. Our style of parenting more or less gets decided through our own interface with our parents. If you have had a very strict upbringing as a child, you will decide the level of discipline you are going to exercise on your children.
Most of the time you imitate your parents' style. The need of the hour is to have smart parenting skills to bridge the generation gap. Most parents fail to understand that children have their own aspirations and they are not on contract to fulfil your desires. Youngsters need to know that being a teenager is a phase in their life. The right kind of communication and establishing mutual respect can set things right. Preaching, unwarranted advice and getting dragged into arguments are the most common deterrents to a smooth relationship.
Children are the mirrors of your own inner world. Your children eventually turn out to be whatever you intentionally or unintentionally make of them. They are in many ways an extension of you.
Who: Dr Neeta Yuvraj
What: Healer, homeopath, hypnotherapist who conducts workshops on empowered parenting
Where: India and Dubai
Dr Neeta Yuvraj is conducting a two-day workshop in Dubai on parenting on June 10-11 from 9am to 5pm. For details, contact firstname.lastname@example.org
What are your top parenting tips?
Never forget that:
- Children know you better than you understand your own self.
- Like you, they are vulnerable and sensitive to rejection. If you do not like something they do, make sure you do not reject them outright.
- Develop the art of listening to them non-judgmentally.
- If you want them to grow up strong you need to let them be their natural selves as much as possible.