Temper tantrums before it gets out of hand

“I wish you weren't my parents! I want to live with Phoebe's parents.

At least they respect her.'' As the door slams behind my furious 6-year-old daughter, I am left wondering what I'm supposed to do.

Should I run after her, rugby-tackle her on the stairs and demand she acquiesce to whatever request I had made — to hang up her coat, perhaps? Possibly. But I haven't the energy — or the will.

I stand as guilty as the next modern parent who believes benign is best.

Yet, there remains a nagging suspicion that my generation of parents has got the balance wrong.

I wonder what I can do to avoid a full-scale teenage rebellion and whether I am already too late.

I would never have dreamt of giving cheek to my mother at any age.

There was, at the heart of our relationship, a healthy degree of fear on my part and steely resolve on hers. What happened to the consensus that grown-ups are in charge and children should do as they're told?

Some find it impossible to impose on their youngsters at any age; what do you do when they reach the age where they realise they can walk away whenever they like? Our offspring, encouraged by us to be free-thinking, autonomous individuals, have so much attitude by the age of 10 that they patronise us and treat us like halfwits. By 15, we're scared of them.

“My daughter went off the rails by the age of 14, throwing temper tantrums and screaming abuse at us,'' says a mother.

“She hit me and attacked her father. When he defended himself, she called the police and said he had assaulted her. It was horrific.''

Nowadays, I don't know of a single parent of teenagers who hasn't been sworn at on a fairly regular basis. Apparently, it's now regarded normal.

The biggest mistake parents can make is to want to be their kids' friends.

They may like us more but the truth is they also see us as weak. And weakness in those who ought to be powerful will always invite contempt.

Five golden rules to raise children:

1 Love. Children need to know their parents care.

2Discipline. Children need to learn how to behave and how to abide by necessary rules. Adults must set clear boundaries.

3Play. Active, imaginative, social play is essential, preferably outdoors.

4 Communication. This usually starts with babytalk. As they reach their teenage years, kids need loving adults to talk to.

5Until kids are 6 or 7, it's better to educate them through play.