“Johnny Johnny, yes papa…telling lies?
No papa!
Open your mouth, ha ha ha….”
Some preschools now prevent this rhyme from being sung in their environment, due to the word ‘lies’ being used in it. We often tip-toe around letting our children hear about unwanted behaviors like telling fibs, talking derogatorily about someone or even using harsh words. However, is that enough?
Children are intuitive by nature and the idea of hiding or being secretive about certain issues will only encourage them to investigate further. A few harmless fibs by your toddler or tween is nothing to be concerned with, but if your child often falls back to lying for no apparent reason your child maybe going through something more intense.
Craving attention
The most dominant reason why your child may find the need to fabricate tales is to get your attention; sometimes your child may feel the only means to do that, is by making up stories. Although, as a parent you might feel you are present around your child throughout most of the day, your little one may require more. They need you to listen and hear them out.
What to do: Fibs or lies are their innocent way of trying to get you to be more interested by exaggerating certain ideas. Maintain eye contact and ask questions while your child is talking to you. Make sure to spend some alone time with them so they feel heard and valued.
Anxious about consequences
If your child knows he or she is going to be scolded heavily or unfortunately even beaten about losing another pencil at school it is natural for them to lie about it. Ramifications must exist, but they need to be reasonable and appropriate. The next time your child loses things, let them understand the consequences of their action first, “Oh, that’s sad, now I wonder what we will use to draw?” or “Let’s look for it together.”
What to do: There is no need to get into a confrontation match to admit you are right, instead your response can be more constructive, “I am very sad about this and I wonder what happened here?” If an action or lie is too severe, causing harm, let your child understand the severity of the situation first. This way, your child will learn more about consequences rather than punishments.
Feeling of insecurity and inferiority
Sometimes children feel they may not match up to their siblings or friends and find the need to tell fibs about their lifestyle, family or even themselves to look more appealing to others. This shows they are uncomfortable in their own skin, and feel the need to portray being someone else to make people like them. This can later play havoc with their self-esteem and confidence. Make children feel proud and loved, once they have a sound backing from home, they will not find the need to boast or lie to the world.
Be a role-model
As a parent you set an example for your child. Your child is most likely to pick up everything from your mannerisms to your habits and inculcate it in their developing personality. A child that grows up in an environment of volatile behavior will somehow represent that.
What to do: Treat your child’s personality as a canvas. You can imprint it in any way you choose. When your child sees you do it, it makes it ok for them to do the same.
Imagination and fantasy
There is a vital difference when toddlers tell fibs. This shows their creative thinking which is actually a very good thing! It indicates they are absorbing information, recalling and retelling. So, when a toddler talks about visiting the beach or going to the mall, it is just their way of retelling stories from their past. Role-playing for toddlers is on a similar line, where they act out stories from their imagination. It encourages thought and ideas, hence allow your toddler to tell you their stories and be absolutely fascinated! But be aware of the differences.
What to do: Do not make your child fear coming to you with the truth, this fear will only build as they mature, preventing them from trusting you with issues they may face in the future. So the next time you’re telling your boss a harmless fib; make sure to check whose listening.
- Sanobar Mistry is a published journalist and currently a kindergarten teacher in Dubai
