Apart but never alone

What is love? Is it about togetherness, undying passion and unbridled affection? Or is love the master key that opens the gates to never-ending happiness?

Perhaps love is all these and much more. However, there is another side to love, for sometimes nothing hurts like love, nothing causes your heart so much pain.

Love, says 29-year-old Hazel Hanopol-Cera from the Philippines, is also about letting go, no matter how much it hurts - a lesson she learnt early on in life.

"In high school I had a close friend who thought the world of her boyfriend," she recalls. "She was young and loved with an intensity that's hard to believe. And she seemed to measure love by how much time (she and her boyfriend) spent together. 'Lovingly addicted' was how she described their relationship."

"Unfortunately, this phase of shared happiness and immense joy did not last long. One day he just walked out (on her) without even saying goodbye. The phone calls and letters stopped - as if it had never happened.

"Years later, when they finally had a chance to talk again - long after she had shed countless tears and healed her wounds - she mustered enough strength to ask him what went wrong. 'You just never gave me the chance to miss you' was his reply.

"The profundity of these words came to light recently when a friend asked me whether the fact that she enjoyed time away from her beloved was something to worry about," says Hanopol-Cera.

"Instantly, I could see where she was coming from. Did it mean she loved and needed him less? Did it mean she did not really want him as much as she thought she did?"

The answer to both is a resounding "No," says Hanopol-Cera. So what advice did she give her friend?
Quoting Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet, she told her, 'Let there be spaces in your togetherness.'

"It is a beautiful thought," she says.

"Even in a marriage it is important to give each other some breathing space, growing space: the chance to pursue personal interests. And when two individuals are together, I believe there is much beauty in sharing what each did during the time they spent apart - it makes them interesting to the other."

Love also works in mysterious ways, feels Hanopol-Cera who, while in high school, lost her heart to a young man who unfortunately had set his mind on joining the seminary.

"I am a typical Libran and therefore very romantic," she says. "I love love and everything that goes with it. But this love seemed too good to be true and there was no way I could hope for it to be fulfilled, for Dave Cera (the young man I loved) had set his sights on becoming a priest."

Even as she told herself that her hopes were 'impossible', little did she know the course that true love would take. Eight years after she had lost her heart to this young man, she chanced upon him again and was pleasantly surprised to discover that he had quit the seminary long ago.

"It was almost as if we were destined to be together," she says.

Two years later, in July 2002, Hazel and Dave became man and wife. But again destiny had other plans for them as Hazel moved to Dubai in June 2005 to work with Sharaf DG in the purchasing department while Dave continued his broadcasting job in the Philippines.

"However romantic I am at heart and although I yearned to be with my husband and young daughter, I also knew that love was not always a bed of roses. It has its ups and downs and being together was not the only way we could show our love for each other," says Hanopol-Cera.

"As a couple we were already obliged to (each other) emotionally, spiritually and physically. But we had an obligation to our daughter: to provide a better future for her. And hence the decision to work abroad.

"It is extremely hard staying apart, but if you keep your communication with each other open, love will flourish no matter what corner of the world you are in. And it is very rewarding … despite being apart, you are still working together towards a common goal."

However, 2007 marked another change in their relationship as Dave moved to Dubai, sacrificing his well-paid job at home.

"We had our fair share of heartaches and fate had tested our love before and after marriage," she says. "But absence and distance made our hearts grow even fonder for each other.

"We know that we can keep our love growing no matter what hardships we may have to endure. And now that we are together as a family, I wake up each morning and smile."