THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE … pregnant in her 20s
Lamia Sarahni, Algerian, age 34 years, two children aged 12 and 8 years old
I’m from Algeria where it’s normal to marry and have a family in your teens. My father wanted the same for me, but during my schooling he discovered that I was a good student and so allowed me to finish school. My parents arranged a husband, Karim, and I got married at 19, he was 37. He’s from a good Algerian family but has spent over half his life in Germany; as a result he is very liberal minded. Once married, we moved to Belgium and Karim insisted I continue with my education, so I enrolled in the University of Brussels and completed a master’s degree. During my studies I became pregnant and we had our first daughter, Djamila, when I was 22.
Even though Karim was very caring and compassionate, I did find the cultural differences difficult. I grew up during the Algerian civil war in a strict Muslim society, where as a girl, even leaving the house was dangerous. Then suddenly, here I was in Europe, not only married and pregnant but also struggling with a freedom I never knew existed. I was also the only student finishing my masters with a newborn. At times I felt very afraid and alone. Eventually we had our second daughter, Rania, and settled into a happy family life.
We moved to Turkey and when our girls started primary school I picked up my career again. For two years I worked as a TV presenter for TRT Turkey before we moved to Dubai just over a year ago.
While combining studies and motherhood was challenging, I never felt I missed out by having children so young because I still managed to do what I wanted - I finished my studies, travelled a lot and worked from home. I’m one of the lucky ones because ours is an arranged marriage that works. I’m a very positive person and Karim is always supportive and open-minded. Now our girls are at an age where we are friends; we have fun. We share many things and my independence and strength grows alongside theirs.
At times they teach me as much about life as I teach them. We share the same clothes and makeup and talk. They are proud to have a young mother. However, my husband and I don’t wish the same for them. We hope for them to grow up strong, independent and well-educated women. We don’t want to be grandparents anytime soon.
THE BODY CLOCK …pregnant in her 30s
Sarah Baerschmidt, British, age 44, two children aged 12 and 10
“In my early twenties, after completing a Clothing Management degree from Cleveland University, I landed a dream job with Ralph Lauren and moved to Hong Kong in 1992, at just 25. A year later, still with the same company, I was relocated to Singapore. It was an exciting period of my life and I had no intention of being ‘married and mortgaged’ – I enjoyed everything the young, free and single life had to offer.
In 1994 I met my husband, Martin. As an architect during the boom period he soon got a job in Dubai and we moved in 1997, before marrying when we were both 30. I was working as a buyer for a sports brands while Martin was working on the Emirates Towers, and as we were both enjoying our careers, taking part in sports and making the most of the Dubai lifestyle, the notion of a family was far from our minds – especially as none of our friends had babies.
Then one day, soon after my 30th birthday, I felt the full force of my body clock, which suddenly made having children a priority. It felt as though a switch had flicked inside me - it was out of character and out of the blue but I just wanted a baby … and now. I fell pregnant straight away and we had our first son, Peter, at 31. Life soon turned into the wonderful chaos that is new motherhood. Then when Peter was seven months old I fell pregnant again with our second son, Luke, who was born just before I turned 33. This was a conscious decision – we always wanted two children and we wanted them close together so that they could grow up friends. Besides, life was bedlam with one baby, our reasoning was - for the sake of their friendship, why not just continue this way for a while longer?
Now I’m 44 and our youngest is about to start secondary school. The boys are 16 months apart and are great friends. They are now independent enough for me to work full time again – I have my own corporate merchandising company - so a new phase of life is about to begin. I feel very fortunate that I’m still young and have energy enough to be dedicated to both work and family life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
THE CAREER WOMAN…pregnant in her 40s
Jane Donovan, British, 49, two children aged 9 and 6 years old
After graduating from a Business Studies degree in 1983, I went on to study Accounting at night school for the next four years. In my twenties, I landed an IT role in a global company, a role that involved a lot of travel, and this marked the beginning of an exciting career for me. Putting off children was not a conscious decision; there was just no room for a family in my lifestyle at the time. I was enjoying the travel, the buzz and the freedom of the corporate world.
I transferred to the US in 1991 and first moved to Miami. Over the next 13 years my career took off. I spent time in New York, Wisconsin, Connecticut, before finally returning to Miami. At some point in my mid-thirties, I remember taking a step back and thinking that if I was going to consider having a family I had better do something about it. But my career was all-consuming and still involved long hours at the office and lots of travel. I put the thought to the back of my mind until, through work, I met my husband, Michael. He is younger than me and, being a colleague, we were able to spend a lot of time together travelling and putting in late nights at the office.
When I turned 39 we got married and had our first daughter, Sarah Jane, almost immediately. Living in America I had to go back to work when she was just three months old, and since I earned more than Michael, I remained full-time and we shared the care of Sarah Jane. My role gradually became more office-based and required less travel so I could be with her, and in 2004 we moved back to the UK, where at 43 years old, we had our second daughter, Amanda.
From the UK we moved to Dubai where our roles switched again and now Michael is the breadwinner while I am finally at home with the girls. At first, I thought I would miss working, but actually, I don’t. I feel satisfied with what I have achieved in my career and I now have the financial freedom to channel all my energy into being a mum. I’m also finding that the corporate world has taught me a lot that can be of benefit to my girls. On some levels there are many similarities between the classroom and the boardroom. For example my organisational skills come in handy – I just helped coordinate our school fair.
There are disadvantages as well. I turn 50 this year and there aren’t many my age at primary school – in fact, most are a whole decade younger than me, sometimes with the outlook and energy levels to match. But the girls keep me young and I have the best incentive of all to keep fit and healthy enough to enjoy being a - somewhat older - grandparent.
