A leaflet from a Mexican restaurant dropped through my door the other day, offering — along with salsa classes — "birthday parties, hen nights, wedding parties, even divorce parties".
Divorce has now become so common, affecting almost half of all marriages — and one in five of those break-ups involving people going through the process for a second time — that a subtle shift in attitudes is taking place. Where once divorce inspired pity, it is increasingly being seen as the opening of a new life chapter, if not to be celebrated, at least worth marking in some way.
As a result, a divorce industry is springing up, offering services that mirror the buying bonanza of the cake, shoes and dress that accompanies a wedding. Party planners are waiting online to help put together the perfect "new you" celebration, complete with "Just divorced!" badges and sashes and T-shirts bearing the legend "Free like a bird".
Burying the past
At Weddingringcoffin.com, you can buy a miniature casket with a little brass RIP on the side so you can "bury the past and move on to a new tomorrow". After which your friends might tuck into a divorce cake — possibly even one that mimics a wedding cake but shows the bride pushing the groom off the top.
That proved the most popular of a run of samples made recently by Fay Millar, who runs Pink Rose Cakes in Brighton, East Sussex. She also included a couple with shotguns pointing towards one another and a bride stabbing the groom in the back. "I've had lots of inquiries," she says. "I've had someone ask for a cake with boxing gloves on it.
"I'd stop short of anything vindictive, it's all tongue-in-cheek — for people who've been through a lot of stress, who want to enjoy themselves and start a new chapter."
Fair share of heartbreak
London will play host to the Starting Over Show, a divorce fair for those who have been through or are considering a break-up that was first staged last year in Brighton. The show proved such a success that this year, much enlarged, it is being held in the capital and again on the south coast. As well as inspirational speakers, family lawyers and estate agents, the exhibitors include life coaches, a cosmetic dentist, a photographer and several dating agencies.
Suzy Miller, the show's founder, says the idea is to provide a fun day out. She has avoided having DNA testers or private detectives at the show. "That is not what this is about. We're about getting people to the other side, where you put all the bitterness behind you and get on with life."
"There is a lot of discussion about how to make divorce less fraught but we also need a cultural change," she says.
Scott Collier, a photographer based in Mayfair, central London, has taken pictures at scores of weddings but recently decided to market himself as a "divorce photographer" too.
"I recently photographed a couple with their new baby and the husband's 9-year-old daughter from a previous relationship," he says. "Seeing yourself as part of a new family is part of the recovery process."
Divorce photographers, break-up advisers, post-divorce dating agencies — the industry springing up around divorce is so new nobody has yet quantified it.
"We know that in the US, divorce is seen as a chance for reinvention and we may be at a tipping point," says Neil Saunders, consulting director at Verdict Research, the market analysts. "Though I believe we haven't got to the point of celebrating divorce, it is common and, logically, if a couple separates and one household splits into two, people need new things. If people want to change the way they live, that will boost consumer spending."
Debenhams has been the first big retailer to capitalise on the trend, with the launch of its divorce gift list — a twist on the traditional wedding list.
Practical option
The company has been surprised not just by the number of people who have expressed an interest but by the "big ticket" items such as furniture and TV sets that have been requested.
"I think it's proving to be popular because it's something practical you can do for someone you care about and who's going through a tough time," says Ruth Attridge, the spokesperson of the company.
