Tackling the venom-spewing workplace bullies

Washington: Remember the children’s rhyme, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words may never hurt me”? It’s a saying used to reply to an insult to let someone know that even though they tried to offend you, you won’t let their words have an effect on you. Of course, we know that words really do offend people and can have a lasting impact.

If you have any doubts, just look at US presidential antics to see the amount of name-calling about candidates, their spouses, their friends or campaign staff, etc. This has become such an issue in the workplace that no fewer than 30 states have introduced legislation regarding workplace bullying and several have mandated training for supervisors to learn about abusive conduct.

Verbal abuse can be overt and take the form of yelling, name-calling or swearing, or more subtly as backhanded compliments, sarcasm or put-downs. It is often used to belittle or humiliate a person. It can also be based on prejudice when using derogatory names toward others of a specific race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, physical appearance, social class, etc.

If the verbal abuse qualifies as harassment it can be illegal under US federal law. It may be frequent and severe and create a hostile work environment.

Why is it done? Most would say that it comes from learnt behaviour. Those who engage in name-calling may have learnt it at home from parents, siblings or friends. They often have low self-esteem and have a “blame-the-victim” mentality that makes them believe that the verbal abuse is justified.

They can be narcissistic people who have an inflated sense of self-importance who use verbal abuse for power and control over others.

Here’s some suggestions for how to deal with such behaviour:

* Remain calm when verbally insulted, most experts advise. At work, you really want to remain professional and not stoop to the lowest level of your colleagues. If they are yelling at you, you can ask them to stop in a calm manner.

* Show confidence. Look them in the eye, use a strong calm tone of voice, and remain polite. I’ve seen people successfully laugh off insults: “Yep, you’re right, I am slow as molasses; in fact, sometimes I fall into quick sand.” Or you can poke fun at them: “You must be having a bad day if you’re throwing those insults out.” But, not everyone is comfortable making fun of verbal insults.

* Address the name-calling. This is a form of bullying and harassment and if you do nothing, you are allowing them to continue or even condoning the behaviour. Managers definitely need to address these behaviours or verbal insults if they see colleagues throwing them at each other.

Too many times managers just ignore them, and those employees who witness the manager doing nothing realise that these bad behaviours are being condoned by the manager. The likelihood of anyone complaining about the verbal insults is pretty low when they see that managers don’t seem to take any action against the offenders.

* Make others aware. You can speak with a trusted manager, mentor or a human resources staff person to share what you have experienced.

* Document the incident. Note the date, time, name of person, details of what was said, who else was present, etc. This will be important if you (or your employer) later takes any action against the person.

* Provide training. Employers should ensure all of their employees, especially their managers, know what is meant by verbal abuse. They should conduct anonymous surveys with their employees to see the extent to which employees feel harmful name-calling exists. It is important to get a baseline on how often it occurs and do people even know how harmful verbal insults can be for others.

Maybe sometimes they do not realise that their words can have long-term impacts. As motivational speaker Joel Osteen said, “Be careful what you say, you can say something hurtful in 10 seconds but 10 years later the wounds are still there.”

Develop action plans. Ensuring that everyone is trained to not engage in name-calling an*d that managers know how to respond to inappropriate verbal comments.

Name-calling may not seem serious to some people and it may seem justified by others (“he/she started it first”), but it is never productive in the workplace. It does not motivate or inspire employees, and instead lowers their morale and productivity and can lead to serious mental health issues. Leaders must be sure to put a stop to verbal abuse.

— Washington Post

The writer is the senior associate dean at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business.