Tea breaks to empty desks: The silent grief when work friends leave and how to cope

There’s something heavy in seeing empty desks and chairs.

It’s a curious thing: We talk freely about close friends leaving town, drifting apart, and friendships ending abruptly after differences. Yet, there’s a rather unspoken grief surrounding the ending of the close work friendships, the people we spend most of our waking hours with. After all, in all the stress, anxiety of meeting deadlines, assignments, we create lasting memories in small moments: Tea breaks, quick lunches, corridor smiles, or just the freedom that you can walk over to their desk and talk. 

And soon, everything’s different. Often, we’re told, it’s the workplace, people come, people go.

It is what it is. But is it?

As Dubai-based media professional Audrey Delphine, who has witnessed this pattern over 20 years, explains: "You make close friends, share the burdens of the day, find comfort in laughter and gossip, and then they move on, or the organization downsizes. Either way, there's a painful pang of loss. But it’s the professional world—you have targets, and you can’t show grief too openly. Still, I can say, it hurts to see friends leave; it’s just easier to talk about it in a non-professional context,” she says.

Delphine reveals that she still feels the sting whenever friends leave the workplace. “You know you’ll always be friends for sure, but it’s never different from when you’re in the same workplace. There’s support there, a comfort that’s hard to replace,” she says.

It’s this grief over such relationships that needs to be addressed more, according to psychologists. While many can take it in their stride, others find the loss of familiarity rather jarring. Worse, they can’t express it in words, because the world keeps moving, and expects you to move with it too.

Why a close work friend leaving feels so significant

Saying goodbye to a close friend at work carries deep emotional weight, explains Farah Dahabi, a clinical psychologist at Dubai-based LightHouse Arabia. “The departure of a close friend can stir a mix of emotions, sadness, nostalgia, feeling left behind, fear of losing the friendship, gratitude for the camaraderie shared, excitement for their next endeavor, and even anxiety about how team dynamics may shift,” she says.

For instance, Chethana Abhishek (name changed on request), a corporate communications professional, recalls the void she felt, when a close friend of hers moved on from the organisation. “It takes time to put your full heart into work again. You show up to office, but something is missing. And if you are in the same team, apart from the fact that you might have a sudden deluge of work, there can be a temporary sense of demotivation too,” she says.

Abhishek summarises the feeling: There’s an intensity around work relationships that is often not discussed.

Elaborating on this relationship, Dahabi says that it’s the daily interactions, problem-solving, and celebration of successes creates an inexplicable closeness. “When a work friend leaves, it’s not just about their absence—it’s the loss of familiar routines, annual traditions, and regular rituals of connection. If your friendship was work-centric, you might also wonder whether it will continue beyond the workplace.”

You're left with a peculiar sense of hollowness.

So, why do we overlook this grief?

Despite the deep emotional impact, many find themselves unable to express this grief openly. Why? In most workplaces, the expectation is to move forward, stay professional, and focus on productivity.

Waleed Alomar Specialist Psychiatry, Medcare Hospital Sharjah, explains. “Talking about emotions like grief can feel out of place, especially in settings that prioritise productivity. There’s also the idea that work relationships are temporary, so we don’t always allow ourselves to fully acknowledge the emotional impact of losing someone we’ve spent a lot of time with,” he says. Yet, these are all myths: Work relationships are just as important as any other, and not accepting this, leads to emotional suppression.

“People might feel they need to suppress their emotions because grieving a colleague’s departure may seem less ‘acceptable’ than grieving a close friend or family member. It’s often easier to hide the sadness and act like it’s just a ‘work thing,’ even when deep down it’s a loss,” he says.

Moreover, it also depends on how the work friend left too: Was it on a sour note, abruptly, fight with the organisation, or they simply moved on? Quite often, if the departure was due to a conflict of interests, their team members or friends might feel resentful and upset, fuelling the grief and loss, as Delphine says. “The grief can take many forms, including quiet, subtle and silent rebellion too, as the people cannot put forward their feelings clearly, in the attempt to be professional.”

It’s difficult, no doubt. So, perhaps a start is just acknowledging that work relationships matter—just as with a friend moving away, adjusting takes time, and your feelings are valid.

So how do you cope with a colleague leaving?

If only grief had a textbook.

Of course, there are concrete methods of processing the departure of a work friend leaving, but before that, you need to slowly accept their exit. As Mylah Koelho, a Dubai-based stress specialist explains: “There’s no easy way to get to the other end of the tunnel. If you’ve shared a close relationship with someone at work, the sting of their departure will take time to ebb. You accept that they have moved on, but find solace in the knowledge that you can always keep in touch with them. If they left on bad terms, reframe your mindset and hope that they have moved on to something better and are healing from their experience,” she says.

Things do change and people do leave, and so most importantly, don’t hold them responsible for moving on from the company if they did it by choice, says Koelho. “Otherwise, you’re just making it more unpleasant for yourself, the team and the person themselves.” Accept your feelings, emotions and put a label to it. “Time does heal, if you just give…time, some time,” she chuckles.

The specialists also provide a few suggestions on dealing with the departure:

Be careful of triggers: Endings can resurface past losses or fears, such as being forgotten or uncertainty about staying in touch.  Acknowledge these feelings rather than dismissing them.

Create rituals to stay connected: You might not be able to see your colleague in the office anymore, but you can create ways to stay connected outside of work. A simple message, a coffee date, or even a regular check-in can help bridge the gap. This could ease the loneliness and maintain that sense of camaraderie.

Self-care: During times of change or loss, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is crucial. Engage in activities outside of work that heal you, whether that’s exercising, spending time with loved ones, or even having quiet time alone to process your emotions.

Reframe the experience: Instead of focusing on the loss, try to shift your focus how they made you feel.

It’s a difficult feeling to sit with it, but giving yourself permission to grieve and finding ways to adjust to the change can help ease that sense of loneliness over time.

Perhaps, one day, the empty desks and chairs won’t feel so heavy anymore.