How to spot and support school-related anxiety

My 8-year-old is bright but gets extremely anxious before school. He complains of stomach aches and begs to stay home. How do I know if it’s just a phase or something I need to take seriously, like school-related anxiety?

If the stomach aches only happen in the mornings before school and disappear once he stays home, it suggests anxiety more than illness. While occasional reluctance or nerves are common in children, consistently complaining of physical symptoms, high emotional distress, and strong avoidance behaviours are indicative of school-related anxiety and should not be dismissed as just a phase.

The first step is to find out why your child is anxious. There are multiple reasons why he could be anxious going to school such as fear of separation from parents, academic pressure or fear of faiure, social challenges such as bullying or peer rejection, sensory sensitivities (e.g. noise, crowds), or a recent negative school experience.

Asking open-ended questions gently (e.g., “What part of the school day do you wish you could skip?”) will help you gather insight without overwhelming your son.

Encourage your son to go to school and avoid keeping him home “just this once,” as this can reinforce avoidance and increase anxiety over time. Avoidance teaches the brain that the feared situation is dangerous and the anxiety remains or even grows stronger.

Instead, you should work on problem-solving with your son (encouraging him to come up with solutions), while reinforcing the importance of showing up, even when it’s hard. The specific strategies will become clearer once the reason for his reluctance to go to school is understood.

There are multiple resources available online for managing anxious thoughts and feelings and can be used to reduce anxiety in the mornings. These coping skills include:

It is also important to reach out to the school and speak with his teacher, counsellor, or school principal to share your observations and concerns, ask if they’ve noticed anything, and to create a support plan (e.g. regular check-ins, designated safe space).

If despite trying these strategies, your son’s anxiety persists or worsens, starts disrupting his sleep, appetite, or social functioning, or leads to school refusal or intense meltdowns, it would be beneficial to seek professional help and consult with a psychologist.